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The Comedy of Errors: Act 3, Scene 1

The Comedy of Errors
Act 3, Scene 1

Scene 1

Before the house of Antipholus of Ephesus.

  1. Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, his man Dromio of Ephesus,
  2. Angelo the goldsmith, and Balthazar the merchant.

Antipholus of Ephesus

3 - 12
  1. Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all,
  2. My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours:
  3. Say that I linger’d with you at your shop
  4. To see the making of her carcanet,
  5. And that tomorrow you will bring it home.
  6. But here’s a villain that would face me down
  7. He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
  8. And charg’d him with a thousand marks in gold,
  9. And that I did deny my wife and house.
  10. Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?

Dromio of Ephesus

13 - 16
  1. Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know:
  2. That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show;
  3. If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink,
  4. Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.

Antipholus of Ephesus

17
  1. I think thou art an ass.

Dromio of Ephesus

18 - 21
  1.                          Marry, so it doth appear
  2. By the wrongs I suffer, and the blows I bear.
  3. I should kick, being kick’d, and being at that pass,
  4. You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass.

Antipholus of Ephesus

22 - 23
  1. Y’ are sad, Signior Balthazar, pray God our cheer
  2. May answer my good will and your good welcome here.

Balthazar

24
  1. I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.

Antipholus of Ephesus

25 - 26
  1. O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,
  2. A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.

Balthazar

27
  1. Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.

Antipholus of Ephesus

28
  1. And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but words.

Balthazar

29
  1. Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.

Antipholus of Ephesus

30 - 33
  1. Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest:
  2. But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
  3. Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
  4. But soft, my door is lock’d; go bid them let us in.

Dromio of Ephesus

34
  1. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cic’ly, Gillian, Ginn!

Dromio of Syracuse

35 - 39
  1. Within.
  2. Mome, malt-horse, capon, cox-comb, idiot, patch!
  3. Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch;
  4. Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for such store,
  5. When one is one too many? Go get thee from the door.

Dromio of Ephesus

40
  1. What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.

Dromio of Syracuse

41 - 42
  1. Within.
  2. Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on ’s feet.

Antipholus of Ephesus

43
  1. Who talks within there? Ho, open the door!

Dromio of Syracuse

44 - 45
  1. Within.
  2. Right, sir, I’ll tell you when, and you’ll tell me wherefore.

Antipholus of Ephesus

46
  1. Wherefore? For my dinner: I have not din’d today.

Dromio of Syracuse

47 - 48
  1. Within.
  2. Nor today here you must not, come again when you may.

Antipholus of Ephesus

49
  1. What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I owe?

Dromio of Syracuse

50 - 51
  1. Within.
  2. The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.

Dromio of Ephesus

52 - 55
  1. O villain, thou hast stol’n both mine office and my name:
  2. The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
  3. If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place,
  4. Thou wouldst have chang’d thy face for a name, or thy name for an ass.
  1. Enter Luce within.

Luce

57 - 59
  1. Within.
  2. What a coil is there, Dromio?
  3. Who are those at the gate?

Dromio of Ephesus

60
  1. Let my master in, Luce.

Luce

61 - 63
  1. Within.
  2.                         Faith, no, he comes too late,
  3. And so tell your master.

Dromio of Ephesus

64 - 65
  1.                          O Lord, I must laugh!
  2. Have at you with a proverbShall I set in my staff?

Luce

66 - 67
  1. Within.
  2. Have at you with another, that’sWhen? Can you tell?

Dromio of Syracuse

68 - 69
  1. Within.
  2. If thy name be called LuceLuce, thou hast answer’d him well.

Antipholus of Ephesus

70
  1. Do you hear, you minion? You’ll let us in, I hope?

Luce

71 - 72
  1. Within.
  2. I thought to have ask’d you.

Dromio of Syracuse

73 - 74
  1. Within.
  2.                              And you said no.

Dromio of Ephesus

75
  1. So come help: well struck! There was blow for blow.

Antipholus of Ephesus

76
  1. Thou baggage, let me in.

Luce

77 - 78
  1. Within.
  2.                          Can you tell for whose sake?

Dromio of Ephesus

79
  1. Master, knock the door hard.

Luce

80 - 81
  1. Within.
  2.                              Let him knock till it ache.

Antipholus of Ephesus

82
  1. You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.

Luce

83 - 84
  1. Within.
  2. What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?
  1. Enter Adriana within.

Adriana

86 - 87
  1. Within.
  2. Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?

Dromio of Syracuse

88 - 89
  1. Within.
  2. By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.

Antipholus of Ephesus

90
  1. Are you there, wife? You might have come before.

Adriana

91 - 92
  1. Within.
  2. Your wife, sir knave? Go get you from the door.

Dromio of Ephesus

93
  1. If you went in pain, master, this knave would go sore.

Angelo

94
  1. Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we would fain have either.

Balthazar

95
  1. In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.

Dromio of Ephesus

96
  1. They stand at the door, master, bid them welcome hither.

Antipholus of Ephesus

97
  1. There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.

Dromio of Ephesus

98 - 100
  1. You would say so, master, if your garments were thin.
  2. Your cake here is warm within: you stand here in the cold.
  3. It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and sold.

Antipholus of Ephesus

101
  1. Go fetch me something: I’ll break ope the gate.

Dromio of Syracuse

102 - 103
  1. Within.
  2. Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s pate.

Dromio of Ephesus

104 - 105
  1. A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind:
  2. Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.

Dromio of Syracuse

106 - 107
  1. Within.
  2. It seems thou want’st breaking, out upon thee, hind!

Dromio of Ephesus

108
  1. Here’s too much out upon thee!”; I pray thee let me in.

Dromio of Syracuse

109 - 110
  1. Within.
  2. Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish have no fin.

Antipholus of Ephesus

111
  1. Well, I’ll break in: go borrow me a crow.

Dromio of Ephesus

112 - 114
  1. A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?
  2. For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a feather:
  3. If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow together.

Antipholus of Ephesus

115
  1. Go, get thee gone, fetch me an iron crow.

Balthazar

116 - 137
  1. Have patience, sir, O, let it not be so!
  2. Herein you war against your reputation,
  3. And draw within the compass of suspect
  4. Th’ unviolated honor of your wife.
  5. Once thisyour long experience of her wisdom,
  6. Her sober virtue, years, and modesty,
  7. Plead on her part some cause to you unknown;
  8. And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
  9. Why at this time the doors are made against you.
  10. Be rul’d by me, depart in patience,
  11. And let us to the Tiger all to dinner;
  12. And about evening come yourself alone
  13. To know the reason of this strange restraint.
  14. If by strong hand you offer to break in
  15. Now in the stirring passage of the day,
  16. A vulgar comment will be made of it;
  17. And that supposed by the common rout
  18. Against your yet ungalled estimation,
  19. That may with foul intrusion enter in,
  20. And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;
  21. For slander lives upon succession,
  22. Forever hous’d where it gets possession.

Antipholus of Ephesus

138 - 154
  1. You have prevail’d. I will depart in quiet,
  2. And in despite of mirth mean to be merry.
  3. I know a wench of excellent discourse,
  4. Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle;
  5. There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
  6. My wife (but, I protest, without desert)
  7. Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal:
  8. To her will we to dinner.
  9. To Angelo.
  10. Get you home
  11. And fetch the chain; by this I know ’tis made.
  12. Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine,
  13. For there’s the house. That chain will I bestow
  14. (Be it for nothing but to spite my wife)
  15. Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste.
  16. Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
  17. I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me.

Angelo

155
  1. I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence.

Antipholus of Ephesus

156
  1. Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense.
  1. Exeunt.
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