The Comedy of Errors
Act III, Scene 1
Before the house of Antipholus of Ephesus.
- Enter Antipholus of Ephesus, his man Dromio of Ephesus,
- Angelo the goldsmith, and Balthazar the merchant.
Antipholus of Ephesus
1 - 10- Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all,
- My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours:
- Say that I linger’d with you at your shop
- To see the making of her carcanet,
- And that tomorrow you will bring it home.
- But here’s a villain that would face me down
- He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
- And charg’d him with a thousand marks in gold,
- And that I did deny my wife and house.
- Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
Dromio of Ephesus
11 - 14- Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know:
- That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show;
- If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink,
- Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.
Antipholus of Ephesus
15- I think thou art an ass.
Dromio of Ephesus
16 - 19- Marry, so it doth appear
- By the wrongs I suffer, and the blows I bear.
- I should kick, being kick’d, and being at that pass,
- You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass.
Antipholus of Ephesus
20 - 21- Y’ are sad, Signior Balthazar, pray God our cheer
- May answer my good will and your good welcome here.
Balthazar
22- I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.
Antipholus of Ephesus
23 - 24- O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,
- A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.
Balthazar
25- Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
Antipholus of Ephesus
26- And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but words.
Balthazar
27- Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
Antipholus of Ephesus
28 - 31- Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest:
- But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
- Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
- But soft, my door is lock’d; go bid them let us in.
Dromio of Ephesus
32- Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cic’ly, Gillian, Ginn!
Dromio of Syracuse
33 - 36- Within.
- Mome, malt-horse, capon, cox-comb, idiot, patch!
- Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the hatch;
- Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for such store,
- When one is one too many? Go get thee from the door.
Dromio of Ephesus
37- What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.
Dromio of Syracuse
38- Within.
- Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on ’s feet.
Antipholus of Ephesus
39- Who talks within there? Ho, open the door!
Dromio of Syracuse
40- Within.
- Right, sir, I’ll tell you when, and you’ll tell me wherefore.
Antipholus of Ephesus
41- Wherefore? For my dinner: I have not din’d today.
Dromio of Syracuse
42- Within.
- Nor today here you must not, come again when you may.
Antipholus of Ephesus
43- What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I owe?
Dromio of Syracuse
44- Within.
- The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.
Dromio of Ephesus
45 - 48- O villain, thou hast stol’n both mine office and my name:
- The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
- If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place,
- Thou wouldst have chang’d thy face for a name, or thy name for an ass.
- Enter Luce within.
Luce
49 - 50- Within.
- What a coil is there, Dromio?
- Who are those at the gate?
Dromio of Ephesus
51- Let my master in, Luce.
Luce
52 - 53- Within.
- Faith, no, he comes too late,
- And so tell your master.
Byam Shaw, 1901
Dromio of Ephesus
54 - 55- O Lord, I must laugh!
- Have at you with a proverb—Shall I set in my staff?
Luce
56- Within.
- Have at you with another, that’s—When? Can you tell?
Dromio of Syracuse
57- Within.
- If thy name be called Luce—Luce, thou hast answer’d him well.
Antipholus of Ephesus
58- Do you hear, you minion? You’ll let us in, I hope?
Luce
59- Within.
- I thought to have ask’d you.
Dromio of Syracuse
60- Within.
- And you said no.
Dromio of Ephesus
61- So come help: well struck! There was blow for blow.
Antipholus of Ephesus
62- Thou baggage, let me in.
Luce
63- Within.
- Can you tell for whose sake?
Dromio of Ephesus
64- Master, knock the door hard.
Luce
65- Within.
- Let him knock till it ache.
Antipholus of Ephesus
66- You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
Luce
67- Within.
- What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?
- Enter Adriana within.
Adriana
68- Within.
- Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?
Dromio of Syracuse
69- Within.
- By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.
Antipholus of Ephesus
70- Are you there, wife? You might have come before.
Adriana
71- Within.
- Your wife, sir knave? Go get you from the door.
Dromio of Ephesus
72- If you went in pain, master, this knave would go sore.
Angelo
73- Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we would fain have either.
Balthazar
74- In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.
Dromio of Ephesus
75- They stand at the door, master, bid them welcome hither.
Antipholus of Ephesus
76- There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.
Dromio of Ephesus
77 - 79- You would say so, master, if your garments were thin.
- Your cake here is warm within: you stand here in the cold.
- It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought and sold.
Antipholus of Ephesus
80- Go fetch me something: I’ll break ope the gate.
Dromio of Syracuse
81- Within.
- Break any breaking here, and I’ll break your knave’s pate.
Dromio of Ephesus
82 - 83- A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind:
- Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind.
Dromio of Syracuse
84- Within.
- It seems thou want’st breaking, out upon thee, hind!
Dromio of Ephesus
85- Here’s too much “out upon thee!”; I pray thee let me in.
Dromio of Syracuse
86- Within.
- Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish have no fin.
Antipholus of Ephesus
87- Well, I’ll break in: go borrow me a crow.
Dromio of Ephesus
88 - 90- A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?
- For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a feather:
- If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow together.
Antipholus of Ephesus
91- Go, get thee gone, fetch me an iron crow.
Balthazar
92 - 113- Have patience, sir, O, let it not be so!
- Herein you war against your reputation,
- And draw within the compass of suspect
- Th’ unviolated honor of your wife.
- Once this—your long experience of her wisdom,
- Her sober virtue, years, and modesty,
- Plead on her part some cause to you unknown;
- And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
- Why at this time the doors are made against you.
- Be rul’d by me, depart in patience,
- And let us to the Tiger all to dinner;
- And about evening come yourself alone
- To know the reason of this strange restraint.
- If by strong hand you offer to break in
- Now in the stirring passage of the day,
- A vulgar comment will be made of it;
- And that supposed by the common rout
- Against your yet ungalled estimation,
- That may with foul intrusion enter in,
- And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;
- For slander lives upon succession,
- Forever hous’d where it gets possession.
Have at you with a proverb—Shall I set in my staff?
Norman Price, 1910
Antipholus of Ephesus
114 - 129- You have prevail’d. I will depart in quiet,
- And in despite of mirth mean to be merry.
- I know a wench of excellent discourse,
- Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle;
- There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
- My wife (but, I protest, without desert)
- Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal:
- To her will we to dinner.
- To Angelo.
- Get you home
- And fetch the chain; by this I know ’tis made.
- Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine,
- For there’s the house. That chain will I bestow
- (Be it for nothing but to spite my wife)
- Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste.
- Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
- I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me.
Angelo
130- I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence.
Antipholus of Ephesus
131- Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense.
- Exeunt.
Let my master in, Luce.
Edwin Austin Abbey, 1889