Act I, Scene 5
A room in Olivia’s house.
- Enter Maria and Clown Feste.
Maria1 - 3
- Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will not open
- my lips so wide as a bristle may enter, in way of thy
- excuse. My lady will hang thee for thy absence.
Feste4 - 5
- Let her hang me! He that is well hang’d in this world needs
- to fear no colors.
- Make that good.
- He shall see none to fear.
Maria8 - 9
- A good lenten answer. I can tell thee where that saying was
- born, of “I fear no colors.”
- Where, good Mistress Mary?
Maria11 - 12
- In the wars, and that may you be bold to say in your
Feste13 - 14
- Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those that are
- fools, let them use their talents.
Maria15 - 16
- Yet you will be hang’d for being so long absent, or to be
- turn’d away—is not that as good as a hanging to you?
Feste17 - 18
- Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and for turning
- away, let summer bear it out.
- You are resolute then?
- Not so, neither, but I am resolv’d on two points—
Maria21 - 22
- That if one break, the other will hold; or if both break,
- your gaskins fall.
Feste23 - 25
- Apt, in good faith, very apt. Well, go thy way, if Sir Toby
- would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eve’s
- flesh as any in Illyria.
Maria26 - 27
- Peace, you rogue, no more o’ that. Here comes my lady. Make
- your excuse wisely, you were best.
- Enter Lady Olivia with Malvolio and Attendants.
Feste28 - 32
- Wit, and’t be thy will, put me into good fooling! Those wits
- that think they have thee do very oft prove fools; and I
- that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise man. For what
- says Quinapalus? “Better a witty fool than a foolish
- wit.”—God bless thee, lady!
- Take the fool away.
- Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.
Olivia35 - 36
- Go to, y’ are a dry fool; I’ll no more of you. Besides, you
- grow dishonest.
Feste37 - 46
- Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel will amend;
- for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry; bid
- the dishonest man mend himself: if he mend, he is no longer
- dishonest; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Any thing
- that’s mended is but patch’d; virtue that transgresses is
- but patch’d with sin, and sin that amends is but patch’d
- with virtue. If that this simple syllogism will serve, so;
- if it will not, what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but
- calamity, so beauty’s a flower. The lady bade take away the
- fool, therefore I say again, take her away.
- Sir, I bade them take away you.
Feste48 - 50
- Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, “Cucullus non facit
- monachum”: that’s as much to say as I wear not motley in my
- brain. Good madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool.
- Can you do it?
- Dexteriously, good madonna.
- Make your proof.
Feste54 - 55
- I must catechize you for it, madonna. Good my mouse of
- virtue, answer me.
- Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I’ll bide your proof.
- Good madonna, why mourn’st thou?
- Good fool, for my brother’s death.
- I think his soul is in hell, madonna.
- I know his soul is in heaven, fool.
Feste61 - 62
- The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother’s soul,
- being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.
- What think you of this fool, Malvolio? Doth he not mend?
Malvolio64 - 66
- Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shake him.
- Infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the better
Feste67 - 70
- God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the better
- increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no
- fox, but he will not pass his word for twopence that you are
- no fool.
- How say you to that, Malvolio?
Malvolio72 - 78
- I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a barren
- rascal. I saw him put down the other day with an ordinary
- fool that has no more brain than a stone. Look you now, he’s
- out of his guard already. Unless you laugh and minister
- occasion to him, he is gagg’d. I protest I take these wise
- men that crow so at these set kind of fools no better than
- the fools’ zanies.
Olivia79 - 84
- O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste with a
- distemper’d appetite. To be generous, guiltless, and of free
- disposition, is to take those things for bird-bolts that you
- deem cannon-bullets. There is no slander in an allow’d fool,
- though he do nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known
- discreet man, though he do nothing but reprove.
Feste85 - 86
- Now Mercury indue thee with leasing, for thou speak’st well
- of fools!
- Enter Maria.
Maria87 - 88
- Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman much desires
- to speak with you.
- From the Count Orsino, is it?
- I know not, madam. ’Tis a fair young man, and well attended.
- Who of my people hold him in delay?
- Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman.
Olivia93 - 98
- Fetch him off, I pray you, he speaks nothing but madman; fie
- on him!
- Exit Maria.
- Go you, Malvolio; if it be a suit from the Count, I am sick,
- or not at home—what you will, to dismiss it.
- Exit Malvolio.
- Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and people
- dislike it.
Feste99 - 102
- Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest son should
- be a fool; whose skull Jove cram with brains! For—here he
- Enter Sir Toby.
- One of thy kin has a most weak pia mater.
- By mine honor, half drunk. What is he at the gate, cousin?
- A gentleman.
- A gentleman? What gentleman?
Sir Toby106 - 107
- ’Tis a gentleman here—a plague o’ these pickle-herring! How
- now, sot?
- Good Sir Toby!
- Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by this lethargy?
- Lechery! I defy lechery. There’s one at the gate.
- Ay, marry, what is he?
Sir Toby112 - 113
- Let him be the devil and he will, I care not; give me faith
- say I. Well, it’s all one.
- What’s a drunken man like, fool?
Feste115 - 117
- Like a drown’d man, a fool, and a madman. One draught above
- heat makes him a fool, the second mads him, and a third
- drowns him.
Olivia118 - 120
- Go thou and seek the crowner, and let him sit o’ my coz; for
- he’s in the third degree of drink, he’s drown’d. Go look
- after him.
Feste121 - 122
- He is but mad yet, madonna, and the fool shall look to the
- Enter Malvolio.
Malvolio123 - 128
- Madam, yond young fellow swears he will speak with you. I
- told him you were sick; he takes on him to understand so
- much, and therefore comes to speak with you. I told him you
- were asleep; he seems to have a foreknowledge of that too,
- and therefore comes to speak with you. What is to be said to
- him, lady? He’s fortified against any denial.
- Tell him he shall not speak with me.
Malvolio130 - 132
- H’as been told so; and he says he’ll stand at your door like
- a sheriff’s post, and be the supporter to a bench, but he’ll
- speak with you.
- What kind o’ man is he?
- Why, of mankind.
- What manner of man?
- Of very ill manner: he’ll speak with you, will you or no.
- Of what personage and years is he?
Malvolio138 - 143
- Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy; as
- a squash is before ’tis a peas-cod, or a codling when ’tis
- almost an apple. ’Tis with him in standing water, between
- boy and man. He is very well-favor’d, and he speaks very
- shrewishly. One would think his mother’s milk were scarce
- out of him.
- Let him approach. Call in my gentlewoman.
- Gentlewoman, my lady calls.
- Enter Maria.
Olivia146 - 147
- Give me my veil; come throw it o’er my face.
- We’ll once more hear Orsino’s embassy.
- Enter Viola.
- The honorable lady of the house, which is she?
- Speak to me, I shall answer for her. Your will?
Viola150 - 155
- Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable beauty—I pray you
- tell me if this be the lady of the house, for I never saw
- her. I would be loath to cast away my speech; for besides
- that it is excellently well penn’d, I have taken great pains
- to con it. Good beauties, let me sustain no scorn; I am very
- comptible, even to the least sinister usage.
- Whence came you, sir?
Viola157 - 160
- I can say little more than I have studied, and that
- question’s out of my part. Good gentle one, give me modest
- assurance if you be the lady of the house, that I may
- proceed in my speech.
- Are you a comedian?
Viola162 - 164
- No, my profound heart; and yet (by the very fangs of malice
- I swear) I am not that I play. Are you the lady of the
- If I do not usurp myself, I am.
Viola166 - 169
- Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp yourself; for
- what is yours to bestow is not yours to reserve. But this is
- from my commission; I will on with my speech in your praise,
- and then show you the heart of my message.
- Come to what is important in’t. I forgive you the praise.
- Alas, I took great pains to study it, and ’tis poetical.
Olivia172 - 176
- It is the more like to be feign’d, I pray you keep it in. I
- heard you were saucy at my gates, and allow’d your approach
- rather to wonder at you than to hear you. If you be not mad,
- be gone. If you have reason, be brief. ’Tis not that time of
- moon with me to make one in so skipping a dialogue.
- Will you hoist sail, sir? Here lies your way.
Viola178 - 180
- No, good swabber, I am to hull here a little longer. Some
- mollification for your giant, sweet lady. Tell me your
- mind—I am a messenger.
Olivia181 - 182
- Sure you have some hideous matter to deliver, when the
- courtesy of it is so fearful. Speak your office.
Viola183 - 185
- It alone concerns your ear. I bring no overture of war, no
- taxation of homage; I hold the olive in my hand; my words
- are as full of peace as matter.
- Yet you began rudely. What are you? What would you?
Viola187 - 190
- The rudeness that hath appear’d in me have I learn’d from my
- entertainment. What I am, and what I would, are as secret as
- maidenhead: to your ears, divinity; to any other’s,
Olivia191 - 192
- Give us the place alone, we will hear this divinity.
- Exeunt Maria and Attendants.
- Now, sir, what is your text?
- Most sweet lady—
Olivia194 - 195
- A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said of it. Where
- lies your text?
- In Orsino’s bosom.
- In his bosom? In what chapter of his bosom?
- To answer by the method, in the first of his heart.
- O, I have read it; it is heresy. Have you no more to say?
- Good madam, let me see your face.
Olivia201 - 205
- Have you any commission from your lord to negotiate with my
- face? You are now out of your text; but we will draw the
- curtain, and show you the picture. Look you, sir, such a one
- I was this present.
- Is’t not well done?
- Excellently done, if God did all.
- ’Tis in grain, sir, ’twill endure wind and weather.
Viola208 - 212
- ’Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white
- Nature’s own sweet and cunning hand laid on.
- Lady, you are the cruell’st she alive
- If you will lead these graces to the grave,
- And leave the world no copy.
Olivia213 - 218
- O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted; I will give out
- divers schedules of my beauty. It shall be inventoried, and
- every particle and utensil labell’d to my will: as, item,
- two lips, indifferent red; item, two grey eyes, with lids to
- them; item, one neck, one chin, and so forth. Were you sent
- hither to praise me?
Viola219 - 223
- I see you what you are, you are too proud;
- But if you were the devil, you are fair.
- My lord and master loves you. O, such love
- Could be but recompens’d, though you were crown’d
- The nonpareil of beauty.
- How does he love me?
Viola225 - 226
- With adorations, fertile tears,
- With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire.
Olivia227 - 233
- Your lord does know my mind, I cannot love him,
- Yet I suppose him virtuous, know him noble,
- Of great estate, of fresh and stainless youth;
- In voices well divulg’d, free, learn’d, and valiant,
- And in dimension, and the shape of nature,
- A gracious person. But yet I cannot love him.
- He might have took his answer long ago.
Viola234 - 237
- If I did love you in my master’s flame,
- With such a suff’ring, such a deadly life,
- In your denial I would find no sense,
- I would not understand it.
- Why, what would you?
Viola239 - 247
- Make me a willow cabin at your gate,
- And call upon my soul within the house;
- Write loyal cantons of contemned love,
- And sing them loud even in the dead of night;
- Hallow your name to the reverberate hills,
- And make the babbling gossip of the air
- Cry out “Olivia!” O, you should not rest
- Between the elements of air and earth
- But you should pity me!
Olivia248 - 249
- You might do much.
- What is your parentage?
Viola250 - 251
- Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:
- I am a gentleman.
Olivia252 - 256
- Get you to your lord.
- I cannot love him; let him send no more—
- Unless (perchance) you come to me again
- To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well.
- I thank you for your pains. Spend this for me.
Viola257 - 261
- I am no fee’d post, lady; keep your purse;
- My master, not myself, lacks recompense.
- Love make his heart of flint that you shall love,
- And let your fervor like my master’s be
- Plac’d in contempt! Farewell, fair cruelty.
- Exit Viola.
Olivia262 - 272
- “What is your parentage?”
- “Above my fortunes, yet my state is well:
- I am a gentleman.” I’ll be sworn thou art;
- Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions, and spirit
- Do give thee fivefold blazon. Not too fast! Soft, soft!
- Unless the master were the man. How now?
- Even so quickly may one catch the plague?
- Methinks I feel this youth’s perfections
- With an invisible and subtle stealth
- To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.
- What ho, Malvolio!
- Enter Malvolio.
- Here, madam, at your service.
Olivia274 - 280
- Run after that same peevish messenger,
- The County’s man. He left this ring behind him,
- Would I or not. Tell him I’ll none of it.
- Desire him not to flatter with his lord,
- Nor hold him up with hopes: I am not for him.
- If that the youth will come this way tomorrow,
- I’ll give him reasons for’t. Hie thee, Malvolio.
- Madam, I will.
Olivia282 - 285
- I do I know not what, and fear to find
- Mine eye too great a flatterer for my mind.
- Fate, show thy force: ourselves we do not owe;
- What is decreed must be; and be this so.