Two Noble Kinsmen
Act 3, Scene 5
Another part of the forest near Athens.
- Enter a Schoolmaster Gerald, four Countrymen as
- morris-dancers and another as the Bavian, five Wenches
- (Nell, Friz, Maudline, Luce and Barbary), with a Taborer.
Gerald4 - 24
- Fie, fie,
- What tediosity and disensanity
- Is here among ye! Have my rudiments
- Been labor’d so long with ye, milk’d unto ye,
- And by a figure, even the very plum-broth
- And marrow of my understanding laid upon ye,
- And do you still cry, “Where?” and “How?” and “Wherefore?”
- You most coarse frieze capacities, ye jane judgments,
- Have I said, “Thus let be,” and “There let be,”
- And “Then let be,” and no man understand me?
- Proh Deum, medius fidius, ye are all dunces!
- For why, here stand I; here the Duke comes; there are you,
- Close in the thicket. The Duke appears, I meet him
- And unto him I utter learned things,
- And many figures; he hears, and nods, and hums,
- And then cries, “Rare!” and I go forward. At length
- I fling my cap up; mark there! Then do you,
- As once did Meleager and the boar,
- Break comely out before him; like true lovers,
- Cast yourselves in a body decently,
- And sweetly, by a figure, trace and turn, boys.
First Country Folk25
- And sweetly we will do it, Master Gerald.
Second Country Folk26
- Draw up the company. Where’s the taborer?
Third Country Folk27
- Why, Timothy!
- Here, my mad boys, have at ye!
- But I say, where’s their women?
Fourth Country Folk30
- Here’s Friz and Maudline.
Second Country Folk31
- And little Luce with the white legs, and bouncing Barbary.
First Country Folk32
- And freckled Nell—that never fail’d her master.
Gerald33 - 35
- Where be your ribands, maids? Swim with your bodies,
- And carry it sweetly and deliverly,
- And now and then a favor and a frisk.
- Let us alone, sir.
- Where’s the rest o’ th’ music?
Third Country Folk38
- Dispers’d as you commanded.
Gerald39 - 44
- Couple then,
- And see what’s wanting. Where’s the Bavian?
- My friend, carry your tail without offense
- Or scandal to the ladies; and be sure
- You tumble with audacity and manhood,
- And when you bark, do it with judgment.
- Yes, sir.
- Quo usque tandem? Here is a woman wanting.
Fourth Country Folk47
- We may go whistle; all the fat’s i’ th’ fire.
Gerald48 - 49
- We have, as learned authors utter, wash’d a tile,
- We have been fatuus, and labored vainly.
Second Country Folk50 - 55
- This is that scornful piece, that scurvy hilding,
- That gave her promise faithfully she would
- Be here, Cicely the sempster’s daughter.
- The next gloves that I give her shall be dogskin;
- Nay, and she fail me once—You can tell, Arcas,
- She swore by wine and bread she would not break.
Gerald56 - 59
- An eel and woman,
- A learned poet says, unless by th’ tail
- And with thy teeth thou hold, will either fail.
- In manners this was false position.
First Country Folk60
- A fire ill take her! Does she flinch now?
Third Country Folk61 - 62
- Shall we determine, sir?
Gerald63 - 65
- Our business is become a nullity,
- Yea, and a woeful and a piteous nullity.
Fourth Country Folk66 - 68
- Now when the credit of our town lay on it,
- Now to be frampal, now to piss o’ th’ nettle!
- Go thy ways, I’ll remember thee, I’ll fit thee!
- Enter Jailer’s Daughter.
Daughter70 - 83
- “The George Alow came from the south,
- From the coast of Barbary-a;
- And there he met with brave gallants of war,
- By one, by two, by three-a.
- Well hail’d, well hail’d, you jolly gallants!
- And whither now are you bound-a?
- O, let me have your company
- Till I come to the sound-a.”
- “There was three fools fell out about an howlet:
- The one said it was an owl,
- The other he said nay,
- The third he said it was a hawk,
- And her bells were cut away.”
Third Country Folk84 - 87
- There’s a dainty mad woman, master,
- Comes i’ th’ nick, as mad as a March hare.
- If we can get her dance, we are made again.
- I warrant her, she’ll do the rarest gambols.
First Country Folk88
- A mad woman? We are made, boys!
- And are you mad, good woman?
Daughter90 - 91
- I would be sorry else.
- Give me your hand.
Daughter93 - 98
- I can tell your fortune.
- You are a fool. Tell ten—I have pos’d him. Buzz!
- Friend, you must eat no white bread; if you do,
- Your teeth will bleed extremely. Shall we dance ho?
- I know you, y’ are a tinker. Sirrah tinker,
- Stop no more holes but what you should.
Gerald99 - 100
- Dii boni!
- A tinker, damsel?
Daughter101 - 103
- Or a conjurer.
- Raise me a devil now, and let him play
- Qui passa o’ th’ bells and bones.
Gerald104 - 107
- Go take her,
- And fluently persuade her to a peace.
- “Et opus exegi, quod nec Jovis ira, nec ignis”—
- Strike up, and lead her in.
Second Country Folk108
- Come, lass, let’s trip it.
- I’ll lead.
Third Country Folk110
- Do, do.
Gerald111 - 117
- Persuasively and cunningly.
- Wind horns.
- Away, boys!
- I hear the horns. Give me some meditation,
- And mark your cue.
- Exeunt all but Schoolmaster.
- Pallas inspire me!
- Enter Theseus, Pirithous, Hippolyta, Emilia, Arcite, and
- This way the stag took.
- Stay, and edify.
- What have we here?
- Some country sport, upon my life, sir.
Theseus124 - 125
- Well, sir, go forward, we will edify.
- Ladies, sit down, we’ll stay it.
- Thou doughty Duke, all hail! All hail, sweet ladies!
- This is a cold beginning.
Gerald128 - 160
- If you but favor, our country pastime made is.
- We are a few of those collected here
- That ruder tongues distinguish villager,
- And to say verity, and not to fable,
- We are a merry rout, or else a rable,
- Or company, or by a figure, choris,
- That ’fore thy dignity will dance a morris.
- And I, that am the rectifier of all,
- By title paedagogus, that let fall
- The birch upon the breeches of the small ones,
- And humble with a ferula the tall ones,
- Do here present this machine, or this frame,
- And, dainty Duke, whose doughty dismal fame
- From Dis to Daedalus, from post to pillar,
- Is blown abroad, help me, thy poor well-willer,
- And with thy twinkling eyes look right and straight
- Upon this mighty Morr—of mickle weight—
- Is—now comes in, which being glu’d together
- Makes Morris, and the cause that we came hither.
- The body of our sport, of no small study,
- I first appear, though rude, and raw, and muddy,
- To speak, before thy noble Grace, this tenner;
- At whose great feet I offer up my penner.
- The next, the Lord of May and Lady bright,
- The Chambermaid and Servingman, by night
- That seek out silent hanging. Then mine Host
- And his fat spouse, that welcomes to their cost
- The galled traveler, and with a beck’ning
- Informs the tapster to inflame the reck’ning.
- Then the beast-eating Clown, and next the Fool,
- The Bavian, with long tail and eke long tool,
- Cum multis aliis that make a dance.
- Say “Ay,” and all shall presently advance.
- Ay, ay, by any means, dear domine.
Gerald163 - 175
- Knock for school.
- Intrate, filii; come forth, and foot it.
- Enter the Dancers. Music. Dance.
- Ladies, if we have been merry,
- And have pleas’d ye with a derry,
- And a derry, and a down,
- Say the schoolmaster’s no clown.
- Duke, if we have pleas’d thee too
- And have done as good boys should do,
- Give us but a tree or twain
- For a Maypole, and again,
- Ere another year run out,
- We’ll make thee laugh and all this rout.
- Take twenty, domine.—How does my sweet heart?
- Never so pleas’d, sir.
Emilia178 - 179
- ’Twas an excellent dance, and for a preface,
- I never heard a better.
Theseus180 - 181
- Schoolmaster, I thank you.
- One see ’em all rewarded.
Pirithous182 - 184
- And here’s something
- Gives money.
- To paint your pole withal.
- Now to our sports again.
Gerald186 - 192
- May the stag thou hunt’st stand long,
- And thy dogs be swift and strong!
- May they kill him without lets,
- And the ladies eat his dowsets!
- Exeunt Theseus and his company. Wind horns.
- Come, we are all made. Dii deaeque omnes!
- Ye have danc’d rarely, wenches.