Home
log out +

Twelfth Night: Act 1, Scene 3

Twelfth Night
Act 1, Scene 3

A room in Olivia’s house.

  1. Enter Sir Toby Belch and Maria.

Sir Toby

2 - 3
  1. What a plague means my niece to take the death of her
  2. brother thus? I am sure care’s an enemy to life.

Maria

4 - 6
  1. By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier a’ nights.
  2. Your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill
  3. hours.

Sir Toby

7
  1. Why, let her except before excepted.

Maria

8 - 9
  1. Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits
  2. of order.

Sir Toby

10 - 13
  1. Confine? I’ll confine myself no finer than I am. These
  2. clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots
  3. too; and they be not, let them hang themselves in their own
  4. straps.

Maria

14 - 16
  1. That quaffing and drinking will undo you. I heard my lady
  2. talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish knight that you
  3. brought in one night here to be her wooer.

Sir Toby

17
  1. Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?

Maria

18
  1. Ay, he.

Sir Toby

19
  1. He’s as tall a man as any’s in Illyria.

Maria

20
  1. What’s that to th’ purpose?

Sir Toby

21
  1. Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.

Maria

22 - 23
  1. Ay, but he’ll have but a year in all these ducats. He’s a
  2. very fool and a prodigal.

Sir Toby

24 - 26
  1. Fie, that you’ll say so! He plays o’ th’ viol-de-gamboys,
  2. and speaks three or four languages word for word without
  3. book, and hath all the good gifts of nature.

Maria

27 - 31
  1. He hath indeed, almost natural; for besides that he’s a
  2. fool, he’s a great quarreler; and but that he hath the gift
  3. of a coward to allay the gust he hath in quarreling, ’tis
  4. thought among the prudent he would quickly have the gift of
  5. a grave.

Sir Toby

32 - 33
  1. By this hand, they are scoundrels and sub-stractors that say
  2. so of him. Who are they?

Maria

34
  1. They that add moreov’r, he’s drunk nightly in your company.

Sir Toby

35 - 40
  1. With drinking healths to my niece. I’ll drink to her as long
  2. as there is a passage in my throat, and drink in Illyria.
  3. He’s a coward and a coystrill that will not drink to my
  4. niece till his brains turn o’ th’ toe like a parish-top.
  5. What, wench! Castiliano vulgo! For here comes Sir Andrew
  6. Agueface.
  1. Enter Sir Andrew Aguecheek.

Sir Andrew

42
  1. Sir Toby Belch! How now, Sir Toby Belch?

Sir Toby

43
  1. Sweet Sir Andrew!

Sir Andrew

44
  1. Bless you, fair shrew.

Maria

45
  1. And you too, sir.

Sir Toby

46
  1. Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.

Sir Andrew

47
  1. What’s that?

Sir Toby

48
  1. My niece’s chambermaid.

Sir Andrew

49
  1. Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.

Maria

50
  1. My name is Mary, sir.

Sir Andrew

51
  1. Good Mistress Mary Accost

Sir Toby

52 - 53
  1. You mistake, knight. Accost is front her, board her, woo
  2. her, assail her.

Sir Andrew

54 - 55
  1. By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is
  2. that the meaning of accost”?

Maria

56
  1. Fare you well, gentlemen.

Sir Toby

57 - 58
  1. And thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst never
  2. draw sword again.

Sir Andrew

59 - 60
  1. And you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword
  2. again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?

Maria

61
  1. Sir, I have not you by th’ hand.

Sir Andrew

62
  1. Marry, but you shall haveand here’s my hand.

Maria

63 - 64
  1. Now, sir, thought is free. I pray you bring your hand to th’
  2. butt’ry-bar, and let it drink.

Sir Andrew

65
  1. Wherefore, sweetheart? What’s your metaphor?

Maria

66
  1. It’s dry, sir.

Sir Andrew

67 - 68
  1. Why, I think so. I am not such an ass but I can keep my hand
  2. dry. But what’s your jest?

Maria

69
  1. A dry jest, sir.

Sir Andrew

70
  1. Are you full of them?

Maria

71 - 72
  1. Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers’ ends. Marry, now I let
  2. go your hand, I am barren.
  1. Exit Maria.

Sir Toby

74 - 75
  1. O knight, thou lack’st a cup of canary. When did I see thee
  2. so put down?

Sir Andrew

76 - 79
  1. Never in your life I think, unless you see canary put me
  2. down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian
  3. or an ordinary man has; but I am a great eater of beef, and
  4. I believe that does harm to my wit.

Sir Toby

80
  1. No question.

Sir Andrew

81 - 82
  1. And I thought that, I’d forswear it. I’ll ride home
  2. tomorrow, Sir Toby.

Sir Toby

83
  1. Pourquoi, my dear knight?

Sir Andrew

84 - 86
  1. What is pourquoi? Do, or not do? I would I had bestow’d
  2. that time in the tongues that I have in fencing, dancing,
  3. and bear-baiting. O had I but follow’d the arts!

Sir Toby

87
  1. Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.

Sir Andrew

88
  1. Why, would that have mended my hair?

Sir Toby

89
  1. Past question, for thou seest it will not curl by nature.

Sir Andrew

90
  1. But it becomes me well enough, does’t not?

Sir Toby

91 - 92
  1. Excellent, it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I hope to
  2. see a huswife take thee between her legs, and spin it off.

Sir Andrew

93 - 95
  1. Faith, I’ll home tomorrow, Sir Toby. Your niece will not be
  2. seen, or if she be, it’s four to one she’ll none of me. The
  3. Count himself here hard by woos her.

Sir Toby

96 - 98
  1. She’ll none o’ th’ Count. She’ll not match above her degree,
  2. neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard her swear’t.
  3. Tut, there’s life in’t, man.

Sir Andrew

99 - 101
  1. I’ll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o’ th’ strangest
  2. mind i’ th’ world; I delight in masques and revels sometimes
  3. altogether.

Sir Toby

102
  1. Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?

Sir Andrew

103 - 104
  1. As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of
  2. my betters, and yet I will not compare with an old man.

Sir Toby

105
  1. What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?

Sir Andrew

106
  1. Faith, I can cut a caper.

Sir Toby

107
  1. And I can cut the mutton to’t.

Sir Andrew

108 - 109
  1. And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong as any
  2. man in Illyria.

Sir Toby

110 - 118
  1. Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore have these gifts a
  2. curtain before ’em? Are they like to take dust, like
  3. Mistress Mall’s picture? Why dost thou not go to church in a
  4. galliard, and come home in a coranto? My very walk should be
  5. a jig.
  6. I would not so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What
  7. dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in? I did
  8. think by the excellent constitution of thy leg, it was
  9. form’d under the star of a galliard.

Sir Andrew

119 - 120
  1. Ay, ’tis strong; and it does indifferent well in a
  2. dun-color’d stock. Shall we set about some revels?

Sir Toby

121
  1. What shall we do else? Were we not born under Taurus?

Sir Andrew

122
  1. Taurus? That’s sides and heart.

Sir Toby

123 - 124
  1. No, sir, it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee caper. Ha,
  2. higher! Ha, ha, excellent!
  1. Exeunt.
© 2018 Unotate.comcontactprivacy policy • Creative Commons text from PlayShakespeare.com