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Much Ado About Nothing: Act 4, Scene 2

Much Ado About Nothing
Act 4, Scene 2

Messina. A prison.

  1. Enter the Constables Dogberry and Verges, and the Town Clerk
  2. Sexton in gowns, and the Watch with Conrade and Borachio.

Dogberry

3
  1. Is our whole dissembly appear’d?

Verges

4
  1. O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.

Sexton

5
  1. Which be the malefactors?

Dogberry

6
  1. Marry, that am I and my partner.

Verges

7
  1. Nay, that’s certain, we have the exhibition to examine.

Sexton

8 - 9
  1. But which are the offenders that are to be examin’d? Let
  2. them come before Master Constable.

Dogberry

10 - 11
  1. Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name,
  2. friend?

Borachio

12
  1. Borachio.

Dogberry

13
  1. Pray write down Borachio. Yours, sirrah?

Conrade

14
  1. I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.

Dogberry

15 - 16
  1. Write down Master Gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve
  2. God?

Both Conrade and Borachio

17
  1. Yea, sir, we hope.

Dogberry

18 - 22
  1. Write down, that they hope they serve God; and write God
  2. first, for God defend but God should go before such
  3. villains! Masters, it is prov’d already that you are little
  4. better than false knaves, and it will go near to be thought
  5. so shortly. How answer you for yourselves?

Conrade

23
  1. Marry, sir, we say we are none.

Dogberry

24 - 26
  1. A marvelous witty fellow, I assure you, but I will go about
  2. with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear, sir.
  3. I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.

Borachio

27
  1. Sir, I say to you, we are none.

Dogberry

28 - 29
  1. Well, stand aside. ’Fore God, they are both in a tale. Have
  2. you writ down, that they are none?

Sexton

30 - 31
  1. Master Constable, you go not the way to examine; you must
  2. call forth the watch that are their accusers.

Dogberry

32 - 33
  1. Yea, marry, that’s the eftest way; let the watch come forth.
  2. Masters, I charge you in the Prince’s name accuse these men.

First Watchman

34 - 35
  1. This man said, sir, that Don John, the Prince’s brother, was
  2. a villain.

Dogberry

36 - 37
  1. Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury,
  2. to call a prince’s brother villain.

Borachio

38
  1. Master Constable

Dogberry

39 - 40
  1. Pray thee, fellow, peace. I do not like thy look, I promise
  2. thee.

Sexton

41
  1. What heard you him say else?

Second Watchman

42 - 43
  1. Marry, that he had receiv’d a thousand ducats of Don John
  2. for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.

Dogberry

44
  1. Flat burglary as ever was committed.

Verges

45
  1. Yea, by mass, that it is.

Sexton

46
  1. What else, fellow?

First Watchman

47 - 48
  1. And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace
  2. Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.

Dogberry

49 - 50
  1. O villain! Thou wilt be condemn’d into everlasting
  2. redemption for this.

Sexton

51
  1. What else?

Both First and Second Watchmen

52
  1. This is all.

Sexton

53 - 58
  1. And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is
  2. this morning secretly stol’n away. Hero was in this manner
  3. accus’d, in this very manner refus’d, and upon the grief of
  4. this suddenly died. Master Constable, let these men be
  5. bound, and brought to Leonato’s. I will go before and show
  6. him their examination.
  1. Exit.

Dogberry

60
  1. Come let them be opinion’d.

Verges

61
  1. Let them be in the hands

Conrade

62
  1. Off, Coxcomb!

Dogberry

63 - 65
  1. God’s my life, where’s the sexton? Let him write down the
  2. Prince’s officer coxcomb. Come, bind them. Thou naughty
  3. varlet!

Conrade

66
  1. Away, you are an ass, you are an ass.

Dogberry

67 - 78
  1. Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my
  2. years? O that he were here to write me down as ass! But,
  3. masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written
  4. down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain,
  5. thou art full of piety, as shall be prov’d upon thee by good
  6. witness. I am a wise fellow, and which is more, an officer,
  7. and which is more, a householder, and which is more, as
  8. pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one that
  9. knows the law, go to, and a rich fellow enough, go to, and a
  10. fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath two gowns,
  11. and every thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I
  12. had been writ down an ass!
  1. Exeunt.
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