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Henry IV, Pt. 2: Act 2, Scene 1

Henry IV, Pt. 2
Act 2, Scene 1

Scene 1

London. A street.

  1. Enter Hostess Quickly of the Tavern and an officer or
  2. twoFang and Snare, Snare lagging behind.

Mistress Quickly

3
  1. Master Fang, have you ent’red the action?

Fang

4
  1. It is ent’red.

Mistress Quickly

5 - 6
  1. Where’s your yeoman? Is’t a lusty yeoman?
  2. Will ’a stand to’t?

Fang

7
  1. Sirrah! Where’s Snare?

Mistress Quickly

8
  1. O Lord, ay! Good Master Snare.

Snare

9
  1. Here, here.

Fang

10
  1. Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff.

Mistress Quickly

11
  1. Yea, good Master Snare, I have ent’red him and all.

Snare

12
  1. It may chance cost some of us our lives, for he will stab.

Mistress Quickly

13 - 16
  1. Alas the day, take heed of him! He stabb’d me in mine own
  2. house, most beastly, in good faith. ’A cares not what
  3. mischief he does, if his weapon be out. He will foin like
  4. any devil, he will spare neither man, woman, nor child.

Fang

17
  1. If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.

Mistress Quickly

18
  1. No, nor I neither, I’ll be at your elbow.

Fang

19
  1. And I but fist him once, and ’a come but within my vice

Mistress Quickly

20 - 37
  1. I am undone by his going, I warrant you, he’s an infinitive
  2. thing upon my score. Good Master Fang, hold him sure. Good
  3. Master Snare, let him not scape. ’a comes continuantly to
  4. Pie-corner (saving your manhoods) to buy a saddle, and he is
  5. indited to dinner to the Lubber’s Head in Lumbert street, to
  6. Master Smooth’s the silk-man. I pray you, since my exion is
  7. ent’red and my case so openly known to the world, let him be
  8. brought in to his answer. A hundred mark is a long one for a
  9. poor lone woman to bear, and I have borne, and borne, and
  10. borne, and have been fubb’d off, and fubb’d off, and fubb’d
  11. off, from this day to that day, that it is a shame to be
  12. thought on. There is no honesty in such dealing, unless a
  13. woman should be made an ass and a beast, to bear every
  14. knave’s wrong.
  15. Enter Sir John Falstaff and Bardolph and the Boy Page.
  16. Yonder he comes, and that arrant malmsey-nose knave,
  17. Bardolph, with him. Do your offices, do your offices, Master
  18. Fang and Master Snare, do me, do me, do me your offices.

Falstaff

38
  1. How now, whose mare’s dead? What’s the matter?

Fang

39
  1. I arrest you at the suit of Mistress Quickly.

Falstaff

40 - 41
  1. Away, varlets! Draw, Bardolph, cut me off the villain’s
  2. head, throw the quean in the channel.

Mistress Quickly

42 - 46
  1. Throw me in the channel? I’ll throw thee in the channel.
  2. Wilt thou? Wilt thou? Thou bastardly rogue! Murder, murder!
  3. Ah, thou honeysuckle villain! Wilt thou kill God’s officers
  4. and the King’s? Ah, thou honeyseed rogue! Thou art a
  5. honeyseed, a man-queller, and a woman-queller.

Falstaff

47
  1. Keep them off, Bardolph.

Officer

48
  1. A rescue! A rescue!

Mistress Quickly

49 - 52
  1. Good people, bring a rescue or two.
  2. The Page attacks her.
  3. Thou wo’t, wo’t thou? Thou wo’t, wo’t ta? Do, do, thou
  4. rogue! Do, thou hempseed!

Falstaff’s Page

53 - 54
  1. Away, you scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I’ll
  2. tickle your catastrophe.
  1. Enter Lord Chief Justice and his Men.

Lord Chief Justice

56
  1. What is the matter? Keep the peace here, ho!

Mistress Quickly

57
  1. Good my lord, be good to me; I beseech you stand to me.

Lord Chief Justice

58 - 61
  1. How now, Sir John? What are you brawling here?
  2. Doth this become your place, your time, and business?
  3. You should have been well on your way to York.
  4. Stand from him, fellow, wherefore hang’st thou upon him?

Mistress Quickly

62 - 63
  1. O my most worshipful lord, and’t please your Grace, I am a
  2. poor widow of Eastcheap, and he is arrested at my suit.

Lord Chief Justice

64
  1. For what sum?

Mistress Quickly

65 - 69
  1. It is more than for some, my lord, it is for all I have. He
  2. hath eaten me out of house and home, he hath put all my
  3. substance into that fat belly of his, but I will have some
  4. of it out again, or I will ride thee a’ nights like the
  5. mare.

Falstaff

70 - 71
  1. I think I am as like to ride the mare, if I have any vantage
  2. of ground to get up.

Lord Chief Justice

72 - 75
  1. How comes this, Sir John? What man of good temper would
  2. endure this tempest of exclamation? Are you not asham’d to
  3. enforce a poor widow to so rough a course to come by her
  4. own?

Falstaff

76
  1. What is the gross sum that I owe thee?

Mistress Quickly

77 - 93
  1. Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself and the money
  2. too. Thou didst swear to me upon a parcel-gilt goblet,
  3. sitting in my Dauphin chamber, at the round table by a
  4. sea-coal fire, upon Wednesday in Wheeson week, when the
  5. Prince broke thy head for liking his father to a singing-man
  6. of Windsor, thou didst swear to me then, as I was washing
  7. thy wound, to marry me and make me my lady thy wife. Canst
  8. thou deny it? Did not goodwife Keech, the butcher’s wife,
  9. come in then and call me gossip Quickly? Coming in to borrow
  10. a mess of vinegar, telling us she had a good dish of prawns,
  11. whereby thou didst desire to eat some, whereby I told thee
  12. they were ill for a green wound? And didst thou not, when
  13. she was gone down stairs, desire me to be no more so
  14. familiarity with such poor people, saying that ere long they
  15. should call me madam? And didst thou not kiss me, and bid me
  16. fetch thee thirty shillings? I put thee now to thy
  17. book-oath. Deny it if thou canst.

Falstaff

94 - 98
  1. My lord, this is a poor mad soul, and she says up and down
  2. the town that her eldest son is like you. She hath been in
  3. good case, and the truth is, poverty hath distracted her.
  4. But for these foolish officers, I beseech you I may have
  5. redress against them.

Lord Chief Justice

99 - 105
  1. Sir John, Sir John, I am well acquainted with your manner of
  2. wrenching the true cause the false way. It is not a
  3. confident brow, nor the throng of words that come with such
  4. more than impudent sauciness from you, can thrust me from a
  5. level consideration. You have, as it appears to me,
  6. practic’d upon the easy-yielding spirit of this woman, and
  7. made her serve your uses both in purse and in person.

Mistress Quickly

106
  1. Yea, in truth, my lord.

Lord Chief Justice

107 - 109
  1. Pray thee peace. Pay her the debt you owe her, and unpay the
  2. villainy you have done with her. The one you may do with
  3. sterling money, and the other with current repentance.

Falstaff

110 - 115
  1. My lord, I will not undergo this sneap without reply. You
  2. call honorable boldness impudent sauciness; if a man will
  3. make curtsy and say nothing, he is virtuous. No, my lord, my
  4. humble duty rememb’red, I will not be your suitor. I say to
  5. you, I do desire deliverance from these officers, being upon
  6. hasty employment in the King’s affairs.

Lord Chief Justice

116 - 117
  1. You speak as having power to do wrong, but answer in th’
  2. effect of your reputation, and satisfy the poor woman.

Falstaff

118
  1. Come hither, hostess.
  1. Enter a messenger, Master Gower.

Lord Chief Justice

120
  1. Now, Master Gower, what news?

Gower

121 - 122
  1. The King, my lord, and Harry Prince of Wales
  2. Are near at hand. The rest the paper tells.

Falstaff

123
  1. As I am a gentleman!

Mistress Quickly

124
  1. Faith, you said so before.

Falstaff

125
  1. As I am a gentleman! Come, no more words of it.

Mistress Quickly

126 - 127
  1. By this heav’nly ground I tread on, I must be fain to pawn
  2. both my plate and the tapestry of my dining-chambers.

Falstaff

128 - 136
  1. Glasses, glasses, is the only drinking, and for thy walls, a
  2. pretty slight drollery, or the story of the Prodigal, or the
  3. German hunting in waterwork, is worth a thousand of these
  4. bed-hangers and these fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be ten
  5. pound, if thou canst. Come, and ’twere not for thy humors,
  6. there’s not a better wench in England. Go wash thy face, and
  7. draw the action. Come, thou must not be in this humor with
  8. me, dost not know me? Come, come, I know thou wast set on to
  9. this.

Mistress Quickly

137 - 138
  1. Pray thee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles. I’ faith,
  2. I am loath to pawn my plate, so God save me law!

Falstaff

139
  1. Let it alone, I’ll make other shift. You’ll be a fool still.

Mistress Quickly

140 - 141
  1. Well, you shall have it, though I pawn my gown. I hope
  2. you’ll come to supper. You’ll pay me all together?

Falstaff

142 - 144
  1. Will I live?
  2. To Bardolph.
  3. Go, with her, with her, hook on, hook on.

Mistress Quickly

145
  1. Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you at supper?

Falstaff

146
  1. No more words, let’s have her.
  1. Exeunt Hostess and Fang, Snare, and Bardolph.

Lord Chief Justice

148
  1. I have heard better news.

Falstaff

149
  1. What’s the news, my lord?

Lord Chief Justice

150
  1. Where lay the King tonight?

Gower

151
  1. At Basingstoke, my lord.

Falstaff

152
  1. I hope, my lord, all’s well. What is the news, my lord?

Lord Chief Justice

153
  1. Come all his forces back?

Gower

154 - 156
  1. No, fifteen hundred foot, five hundred horse,
  2. Are march’d up to my Lord of Lancaster,
  3. Against Northumberland and the Archbishop.

Falstaff

157
  1. Comes the King back from Wales, my noble lord?

Lord Chief Justice

158 - 159
  1. You shall have letters of me presently. Come, go along with
  2. me, good Master Gower.

Falstaff

160
  1. My lord!

Lord Chief Justice

161
  1. What’s the matter?

Falstaff

162
  1. Master Gower, shall I entreat you with me to dinner?

Gower

163 - 164
  1. I must wait upon my good lord here, I thank you, good Sir
  2. John.

Lord Chief Justice

165 - 166
  1. Sir John, you loiter here too long, being you are to take
  2. soldiers up in counties as you go.

Falstaff

167
  1. Will you sup with me, Master Gower?

Lord Chief Justice

168
  1. What foolish master taught you these manners, Sir John?

Falstaff

169 - 171
  1. Master Gower, if they become me not, he was a fool that
  2. taught them me. This is the right fencing grace, my lord,
  3. tap for tap, and so part fair.

Lord Chief Justice

172
  1. Now the Lord lighten thee! Thou art a great fool.
  1. Exeunt.
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