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Henry IV, Pt. 1: Act 3, Scene 3

Henry IV, Pt. 1
Act 3, Scene 3

Eastcheap. The Boar’s Head Tavern.

  1. Enter Falstaff and Bardolph.

Falstaff

2 - 10
  1. Bardolph, am I not fall’n away vilely since this last
  2. action? Do I not bate? Do I not dwindle? Why, my skin hangs
  3. about me like an old lady’s loose gown; I am wither’d like
  4. an old apple-john. Well, I’ll repent, and that suddenly,
  5. while I am in some liking. I shall be out of heart shortly,
  6. and then I shall have no strength to repent. And I have not
  7. forgotten what the inside of a church is made of, I am a
  8. peppercorn, a brewer’s horse. The inside of a church!
  9. Company, villainous company, hath been the spoil of me.

Bardolph

11
  1. Sir John, you are so fretful you cannot live long.

Falstaff

12 - 18
  1. Why, there is it. Come sing me a bawdy song, make me merry.
  2. I was as virtuously given as a gentleman need to be,
  3. virtuous enough: swore little, dic’d not above seven timesa
  4. week, went to a bawdy-house not above once in a quarterof
  5. an hour, paid money that I borrow’dthree or four times,
  6. liv’d well and in good compass, and now I live out of all
  7. order, out of all compass.

Bardolph

19 - 20
  1. Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must needs be out of
  2. all compass, out of all reasonable compass, Sir John.

Falstaff

21 - 23
  1. Do thou amend thy face, and I’ll amend my life. Thou art our
  2. admiral, thou bearest the lantern in the poop, but ’tis in
  3. the nose of thee. Thou art the Knight of the Burning Lamp.

Bardolph

24
  1. Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.

Falstaff

25 - 42
  1. No, I’ll be sworn, I make as good use of it as many a man
  2. doth of a death’s-head or a memento mori. I never see thy
  3. face but I think upon hell-fire and Dives that liv’d in
  4. purple; for there he is in his robes, burning, burning. If
  5. thou wert any way given to virtue, I would swear by thy
  6. face; my oath should be By this fire, that’s God’s angel.”
  7. But thou art altogether given over, and wert indeed, but for
  8. the light in thy face, the son of utter darkness. When thou
  9. ran’st up Gadshill in the night to catch my horse, if I did
  10. not think thou hadst been an ignis fatuus or a ball of
  11. wildfire, there’s no purchase in money. O, thou art a
  12. perpetual triumph, an everlasting bonfire light! Thou hast
  13. sav’d me a thousand marks in links and torches, walking with
  14. thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern; but the sack
  15. that thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights as good
  16. cheap at the dearest chandler’s in Europe. I have maintain’d
  17. that salamander of yours with fire any time this two and
  18. thirty years, God reward me for it!

Bardolph

43
  1. ’Sblood, I would my face were in your belly!

Falstaff

44 - 47
  1. God-a-mercy, so should I be sure to be heart-burnt.
  2. Enter Hostess.
  3. How now, Dame Partlet the hen? Have you inquir’d yet who
  4. pick’d my pocket?

Hostess

48 - 52
  1. Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John? Do you think I
  2. keep thieves in my house? I have search’d, I have inquir’d,
  3. so has my husband, man by man, boy by boy, servant by
  4. servant. The tithe of a hair was never lost in my house
  5. before.

Falstaff

53 - 55
  1. Ye lie, hostess, Bardolph was shav’d, and lost many a hair,
  2. and I’ll be sworn my pocket was pick’d. Go to, you are a
  3. woman, go.

Hostess

56 - 57
  1. Who, I? No, I defy thee. God’s light, I was never call’d so
  2. in mine own house before.

Falstaff

58
  1. Go to, I know you well enough.

Hostess

59 - 62
  1. No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John. I know you, Sir
  2. John, you owe me money, Sir John, and now you pick a quarrel
  3. to beguile me of it. I bought you a dozen of shirts to your
  4. back.

Falstaff

63 - 64
  1. Dowlas, filthy dowlas. I have given them away to bakers’
  2. wives, they have made bolters of them.

Hostess

65 - 67
  1. Now as I am a true woman, holland of eight shillings an ell.
  2. You owe money here besides, Sir John, for your diet and
  3. by-drinkings, and money lent you, four and twenty pound.

Falstaff

68
  1. He had his part of it, let him pay.

Hostess

69
  1. He? Alas, he is poor, he hath nothing.

Falstaff

70 - 75
  1. How? Poor? Look upon his face; what call you rich? Let them
  2. coin his nose, let them coin his cheeks. I’ll not pay a
  3. denier. What, will you make a younker of me? Shall I not
  4. take mine ease in mine inn but I shall have my pocket
  5. pick’d? I have lost a seal-ring of my grandfather’s worth
  6. forty mark.

Hostess

76 - 77
  1. O Jesu, I have heard the Prince tell him, I know not how
  2. oft, that that ring was copper!

Falstaff

78 - 83
  1. How? The Prince is a Jack, a sneak-up. ’Sblood, and he were
  2. here, I would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so.
  3. Enter the Prince marching, with Peto, and Falstaff meets him
  4. playing upon his truncheon like a fife.
  5. How now, lad? Is the wind in that door, i’ faith? Must we
  6. all march?

Bardolph

84
  1. Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.

Hostess

85
  1. My lord, I pray you hear me.

Prince Henry

86 - 87
  1. What say’st thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth thy husband? I
  2. love him well, he is an honest man.

Hostess

88
  1. Good my lord, hear me.

Falstaff

89
  1. Prithee let her alone, and list to me.

Prince Henry

90
  1. What say’st thou, Jack?

Falstaff

91 - 93
  1. The other night I fell asleep here behind the arras and had
  2. my pocket pick’d. This house is turn’d bawdy-house, they
  3. pick pockets.

Prince Henry

94
  1. What didst thou lose, Jack?

Falstaff

95 - 96
  1. Wilt thou believe me, Hal, three or four bonds of forty
  2. pound a-piece, and a seal-ring of my grandfather’s.

Prince Henry

97
  1. A trifle, some eight-penny matter.

Hostess

98 - 100
  1. So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard your Grace say
  2. so; and, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a
  3. foul-mouth’d man as he is, and said he would cudgel you.

Prince Henry

101
  1. What, he did not?

Hostess

102
  1. There’s neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.

Falstaff

103 - 106
  1. There’s no more faith in thee than in a stew’d prune, nor no
  2. more truth in thee than in a drawn fox, and for womanhood,
  3. Maid Marian may be the deputy’s wife of the ward to thee.
  4. Go, you thing, go.

Hostess

107
  1. Say, what thing? What thing?

Falstaff

108
  1. What thing? Why, a thing to thank God on.

Hostess

109 - 111
  1. I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou shouldst know
  2. it. I am an honest man’s wife, and setting thy knighthood
  3. aside, thou art a knave to call me so.

Falstaff

112 - 113
  1. Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say
  2. otherwise.

Hostess

114
  1. Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?

Falstaff

115
  1. What beast? Why, an otter.

Prince Henry

116
  1. An otter, Sir John, why an otter?

Falstaff

117 - 118
  1. Why? She’s neither fish nor flesh, a man knows not where to
  2. have her.

Hostess

119 - 120
  1. Thou art an unjust man in saying so. Thou or any man knows
  2. where to have me, thou knave, thou!

Prince Henry

121 - 122
  1. Thou say’st true, hostess, and he slanders thee most
  2. grossly.

Hostess

123 - 124
  1. So he doth you, my lord, and said this other day you ought
  2. him a thousand pound.

Prince Henry

125
  1. Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?

Falstaff

126 - 127
  1. A thousand pound, Hal? A million, thy love is worth a
  2. million; thou owest me thy love.

Hostess

128 - 129
  1. Nay, my lord, he call’d you Jack, and said he would cudgel
  2. you.

Falstaff

130
  1. Did I, Bardolph?

Bardolph

131
  1. Indeed, Sir John, you said so.

Falstaff

132
  1. Yea, if he said my ring was copper.

Prince Henry

133
  1. I say ’tis copper. Darest thou be as good as thy word now?

Falstaff

134 - 136
  1. Why, Hal! Thou knowest, as thou art but man, I dare, but as
  2. thou art Prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring of the
  3. lion’s whelp.

Prince Henry

137
  1. And why not as the lion?

Falstaff

138 - 140
  1. The King himself is to be fear’d as the lion. Dost thou
  2. think I’ll fear thee as I fear thy father? Nay, and I do, I
  3. pray God my girdle break.

Prince Henry

141 - 151
  1. O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy knees!
  2. But, sirrah, there’s no room for faith, truth, nor honesty
  3. in this bosom of thine; it is all fill’d up with guts and
  4. midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket!
  5. Why, thou whoreson, impudent, emboss’d rascal, if there were
  6. any thing in thy pocket but tavern-reckonings, memorandums
  7. of bawdy-houses, and one poor pennyworth of sugar-candy to
  8. make thee long-windedif thy pocket were enrich’d with any
  9. other injuries but these, I am a villain. And yet you will
  10. stand to it, you will not pocket up wrong. Art thou not
  11. asham’d?

Falstaff

152 - 156
  1. Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou knowest in the state of innocency
  2. Adam fell, and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days
  3. of villainy? Thou seest I have more flesh than another man,
  4. and therefore more frailty. You confess then you pick’d my
  5. pocket?

Prince Henry

157
  1. It appears so by the story.

Falstaff

158 - 164
  1. Hostess, I forgive thee. Go make ready breakfast; love thy
  2. husband, look to thy servants, cherish thy guests. Thou
  3. shalt find me tractable to any honest reason; thou seest I
  4. am pacified still. Nay, prithee be gone.
  5. Exit Hostess.
  6. Now, Hal, to the news at court for the robbery, lad, how is
  7. that answer’d?

Prince Henry

165 - 166
  1. O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee. The
  2. money is paid back again.

Falstaff

167
  1. O, I do not like that paying back, ’tis a double labor.

Prince Henry

168
  1. I am good friends with my father and may do any thing.

Falstaff

169 - 170
  1. Rob me the exchequer the first thing thou doest, and do it
  2. with unwash’d hands too.

Bardolph

171
  1. Do, my lord.

Prince Henry

172
  1. I have procur’d thee, Jack, a charge of foot.

Falstaff

173 - 177
  1. I would it had been of horse. Where shall I find one that
  2. can steal well? O for a fine thief, of the age of two and
  3. twenty or thereabouts! I am heinously unprovided. Well, God
  4. be thank’d for these rebels, they offend none but the
  5. virtuous. I laud them, I praise them.

Prince Henry

178
  1. Bardolph!

Bardolph

179
  1. My lord?

Prince Henry

180 - 191
  1. Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,
  2. To my brother John; this to my Lord of Westmorland.
  3. Exit Bardolph.
  4. Go, Peto, to horse, to horse, for thou and I
  5. Have thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner-time.
  6. Exit Peto.
  7. Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple Hall
  8. At two a’ clock in the afternoon;
  9. There shalt thou know thy charge, and there receive
  10. Money and order for their furniture.
  11. The land is burning, Percy stands on high,
  12. And either we or they must lower lie.
  1. Exit.

Falstaff

193 - 194
  1. Rare words! Brave world! Hostess, my breakfast, come!
  2. O, I could wish this tavern were my drum!
  1. Exit.
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