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Comedy of Errors: Act 3, Scene 2

Comedy of Errors
Act 3, Scene 2

Before the house of Antipholus of Ephesus.

  1. Enter Luciana with Antipholus of Syracuse.

Luciana

2 - 29
  1. And may it be that you have quite forgot
  2. A husband’s office? Shall, Antipholus,
  3. Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot?
  4. Shall love, in building, grow so ruinous?
  5. If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
  6. Then for her wealth’s sake use her with more kindness:
  7. Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth,
  8. Muffle your false love with some show of blindness:
  9. Let not my sister read it in your eye;
  10. Be not thy tongue thy own shame’s orator:
  11. Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty;
  12. Apparel vice like virtue’s harbinger;
  13. Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted;
  14. Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint;
  15. Be secret-false: what need she be acquainted?
  16. What simple thief brags of his own attaint?
  17. ’Tis double wrong, to truant with your bed,
  18. And let her read it in thy looks at board:
  19. Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;
  20. Ill deeds is doubled with an evil word.
  21. Alas, poor women, make us but believe
  22. (Being compact of credit) that you love us;
  23. Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve:
  24. We in your motion turn, and you may move us.
  25. Then, gentle brother, get you in again;
  26. Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife:
  27. ’Tis holy sport to be a little vain,
  28. When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.

Antipholus of Syracuse

30 - 53
  1. Sweet mistresswhat your name is else, I know not,
  2. Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine
  3. Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not
  4. Than our earth’s wonder, more than earth divine.
  5. Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak:
  6. Lay open to my earthy gross conceit,
  7. Smoth’red in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
  8. The folded meaning of your words’ deceit.
  9. Against my soul’s pure truth why labor you,
  10. To make it wander in an unknown field?
  11. Are you a god? Would you create me new?
  12. Transform me then, and to your pow’r I’ll yield.
  13. But if that I am I, then well I know
  14. Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,
  15. Nor to her bed no homage do I owe:
  16. Far more, far more, to you do I decline.
  17. O, train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note,
  18. To drown me in thy sister’s flood of tears.
  19. Sing, siren, for thyself, and I will dote;
  20. Spread o’er the silver waves thy golden hairs,
  21. And as a bed I’ll take them, and there lie,
  22. And in that glorious supposition think
  23. He gains by death that hath such means to die:
  24. Let Love, being light, be drowned if she sink!

Luciana

54
  1. What, are you mad, that you do reason so?

Antipholus of Syracuse

55
  1. Not mad, but matedhow, I do not know.

Luciana

56
  1. It is a fault that springeth from your eye.

Antipholus of Syracuse

57
  1. For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by.

Luciana

58
  1. Gaze when you should, and that will clear your sight.

Antipholus of Syracuse

59
  1. As good to wink, sweet love, as look on night.

Luciana

60
  1. Why call you me love? Call my sister so.

Antipholus of Syracuse

61
  1. Thy sister’s sister.

Luciana

62
  1.                      That’s my sister.

Antipholus of Syracuse

63 - 67
  1.                   No;
  2. It is thyself, mine own self’s better part:
  3. Mine eye’s clear eye, my dear heart’s dearer heart,
  4. My food, my fortune, and my sweet hope’s aim,
  5. My sole earth’s heaven, and my heaven’s claim.

Luciana

68
  1. All this my sister is, or else should be.

Antipholus of Syracuse

69 - 72
  1. Call thyself sister, sweet, for I am thee:
  2. Thee will I love and with thee lead my life;
  3. Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife.
  4. Give me thy hand.

Luciana

73 - 74
  1.                   O soft, sir, hold you still;
  2. I’ll fetch my sister to get her good will.
  1. Exit.
  1. Enter Dromio of Syracuse.

Antipholus of Syracuse

77
  1. Why, how now, Dromio, where run’st thou so fast?

Dromio of Syracuse

78 - 79
  1. Do you know me, sir? Am I Dromio? Am I your man? Am I
  2. myself?

Antipholus of Syracuse

80
  1. Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.

Dromio of Syracuse

81
  1. I am an ass, I am a woman’s man, and besides myself.

Antipholus of Syracuse

82
  1. What woman’s man, and how besides thyself?

Dromio of Syracuse

83 - 84
  1. Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman: one that
  2. claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.

Antipholus of Syracuse

85
  1. What claim lays she to thee?

Dromio of Syracuse

86 - 89
  1. Marry, sir, such claim as you would lay to your horse, and
  2. she would have me as a beast; not that, I being a beast, she
  3. would have me, but that she, being a very beastly creature,
  4. lays claim to me.

Antipholus of Syracuse

90
  1. What is she?

Dromio of Syracuse

91 - 93
  1. A very reverent body: ay, such a one as a man may not speak
  2. of without he say Sir-reverence.” I have but lean luck in
  3. the match, and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage.

Antipholus of Syracuse

94
  1. How dost thou mean a fat marriage?

Dromio of Syracuse

95 - 100
  1. Marry, sir, she’s the kitchen wench and all grease, and I
  2. know not what use to put her to but to make a lamp of her
  3. and run from her by her own light. I warrant, her rags and
  4. the tallow in them will burn a Poland winter: if she lives
  5. till doomsday, she’ll burn a week longer than the whole
  6. world.

Antipholus of Syracuse

101
  1. What complexion is she of?

Dromio of Syracuse

102 - 104
  1. Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing like so clean
  2. kept: for why? She sweats, a man may go over shoes in the
  3. grime of it.

Antipholus of Syracuse

105
  1. That’s a fault that water will mend.

Dromio of Syracuse

106
  1. No, sir, ’tis in grain, Noah’s flood could not do it.

Antipholus of Syracuse

107
  1. What’s her name?

Dromio of Syracuse

108 - 109
  1. Nell, sir; but her name and three quarters, that’s an ell
  2. and three quarters, will not measure her from hip to hip.

Antipholus of Syracuse

110
  1. Then she bears some breadth?

Dromio of Syracuse

111 - 112
  1. No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip: she is
  2. spherical, like a globe; I could find out countries in her.

Antipholus of Syracuse

113
  1. In what part of her body stands Ireland?

Dromio of Syracuse

114
  1. Marry, sir, in her buttocks, I found it out by the bogs.

Antipholus of Syracuse

115
  1. Where Scotland?

Dromio of Syracuse

116
  1. I found it by the barrenness, hard in the palm of the hand.

Antipholus of Syracuse

117
  1. Where France?

Dromio of Syracuse

118 - 119
  1. In her forehead, arm’d and reverted, making war against her
  2. heir.

Antipholus of Syracuse

120
  1. Where England?

Dromio of Syracuse

121 - 123
  1. I look’d for the chalky cliffs, but I could find no
  2. whiteness in them. But I guess, it stood in her chin, by the
  3. salt rheum that ran between France and it.

Antipholus of Syracuse

124
  1. Where Spain?

Dromio of Syracuse

125
  1. Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it hot in her breath.

Antipholus of Syracuse

126
  1. Where America, the Indies?

Dromio of Syracuse

127 - 130
  1. O, sir, upon her nose, all o’er embellish’d with rubies,
  2. carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich aspect to the
  3. hot breath of Spain, who sent whole armadoes of carrects to
  4. be ballast at her nose.

Antipholus of Syracuse

131
  1. Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?

Dromio of Syracuse

132 - 138
  1. O, sir, I did not look so low. To conclude, this drudge or
  2. diviner laid claim to me, call’d me Dromio, swore I was
  3. assur’d to her, told me what privy marks I had about me, as
  4. the mark of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart
  5. on my left arm, that I, amaz’d, ran from her as a witch.
  6. And I think, if my breast had not been made of faith, and my heart of steel,
  7. She had transform’d me to a curtal dog, and made me turn i’ th’ wheel.

Antipholus of Syracuse

139 - 145
  1. Go hie thee presently, post to the road,
  2. And if the wind blow any way from shore,
  3. I will not harbor in this town tonight.
  4. If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
  5. Where I will walk till thou return to me.
  6. If every one knows us, and we know none,
  7. ’Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack, and be gone.

Dromio of Syracuse

146 - 147
  1. As from a bear a man would run for life,
  2. So fly I from her that would be my wife.
  1. Exit.

Antipholus of Syracuse

149 - 157
  1. There’s none but witches do inhabit here,
  2. And therefore ’tis high time that I were hence.
  3. She that doth call me husband, even my soul
  4. Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister,
  5. Possess’d with such a gentle sovereign grace,
  6. Of such enchanting presence and discourse,
  7. Hath almost made me traitor to myself;
  8. But lest myself be guilty to self-wrong,
  9. I’ll stop mine ears against the mermaid’s song.
  1. Enter Angelo with the chain.

Angelo

159
  1. Master Antipholus

Antipholus of Syracuse

160
  1.                    Ay, that’s my name.

Angelo

161 - 163
  1. I know it well, sir. Lo here’s the chain.
  2. I thought to have ta’en you at the Porpentine;
  3. The chain unfinish’d made me stay thus long.

Antipholus of Syracuse

164
  1. What is your will that I shall do with this?

Angelo

165
  1. What please yourself, sir; I have made it for you.

Antipholus of Syracuse

166
  1. Made it for me, sir! I bespoke it not.

Angelo

167 - 170
  1. Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.
  2. Go home with it, and please your wife withal,
  3. And soon at supper-time I’ll visit you,
  4. And then receive my money for the chain.

Antipholus of Syracuse

171 - 172
  1. I pray you, sir, receive the money now,
  2. For fear you ne’er see chain nor money more.

Angelo

173
  1. You are a merry man, sir, fare you well.
  1. Exit.

Antipholus of Syracuse

175 - 181
  1. What I should think of this, I cannot tell:
  2. But this I think, there’s no man is so vain
  3. That would refuse so fair an offer’d chain.
  4. I see a man here needs not live by shifts,
  5. When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.
  6. I’ll to the mart and there for Dromio stay:
  7. If any ship put out, then straight away.
  1. Exit.
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