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As You Like It: Act 3, Scene 3

As You Like It
Act 3, Scene 3

Another part of the Forest of Arden.

  1. Enter Clown (Touchstone), Audrey; and Jaques behind.

Touchstone

2 - 4
  1. Come apace, good Audrey; I will fetch up your goats, Audrey.
  2. And how, Audrey? Am I the man yet? Doth my simple feature
  3. content you?

Audrey

5
  1. Your features, Lord warrant us! What features?

Touchstone

6 - 7
  1. I am here with thee and thy goats as the most capricious
  2. poet, honest Ovid, was among the Goths.

Jaques

8 - 10
  1. Aside.
  2. O knowledge ill-inhabited, worse than Jove in a thatch’d
  3. house!

Touchstone

11 - 14
  1. When a man’s verses cannot be understood, nor a man’s good
  2. wit seconded with the forward child, understanding, it
  3. strikes a man more dead than a great reckoning in a little
  4. room. Truly, I would the gods had made thee poetical.

Audrey

15 - 16
  1. I do not know what poetical’ is. Is it honest in deed and
  2. word? Is it a true thing?

Touchstone

17 - 19
  1. No, truly; for the truest poetry is the most feigning, and
  2. lovers are given to poetry; and what they swear in poetry
  3. may be said as lovers they do feign.

Audrey

20
  1. Do you wish then that the gods had made me poetical?

Touchstone

21 - 22
  1. I do, truly; for thou swear’st to me thou art honest. Now if
  2. thou wert a poet, I might have some hope thou didst feign.

Audrey

23
  1. Would you not have me honest?

Touchstone

24 - 25
  1. No, truly, unless thou wert hard-favor’d; for honesty
  2. coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar.

Jaques

26 - 27
  1. Aside.
  2. A material fool!

Audrey

28 - 29
  1. Well, I am not fair, and therefore I pray the gods make me
  2. honest.

Touchstone

30 - 31
  1. Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a foul slut were to put
  2. good meat into an unclean dish.

Audrey

32
  1. I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am foul.

Touchstone

33 - 37
  1. Well, prais’d be the gods for thy foulness! Sluttishness may
  2. come hereafter. But be it as it may be, I will marry thee;
  3. and to that end I have been with Sir Oliver Martext, the
  4. vicar of the next village, who hath promis’d to meet me in
  5. this place of the forest and to couple us.

Jaques

38 - 39
  1. Aside.
  2. I would fain see this meeting.

Audrey

40
  1. Well, the gods give us joy!

Touchstone

41 - 57
  1. Amen. A man may, if he were of a fearful heart, stagger in
  2. this attempt; for here we have no temple but the wood, no
  3. assembly but horn-beasts. But what though? Courage! As horns
  4. are odious, they are necessary. It is said, Many a man
  5. knows no end of his goods.” Right! Many a man has good
  6. horns, and knows no end of them. Well, that is the dowry of
  7. his wife, ’tis none of his own getting. Horns? Even so. Poor
  8. men alone? No, no, the noblest deer hath them as huge as the
  9. rascal. Is the single man therefore bless’d? No, as a wall’d
  10. town is more worthier than a village, so is the forehead of
  11. a married man more honorable than the bare brow of a
  12. bachelor; and by how much defense is better than no skill,
  13. by so much is a horn more precious than to want.
  14. Enter Sir Oliver Martext.
  15. Here comes Sir Oliver. Sir Oliver Martext, you are well met.
  16. Will you dispatch us here under this tree, or shall we go
  17. with you to your chapel?

Sir Oliver

58
  1. Is there none here to give the woman?

Touchstone

59
  1. I will not take her on gift of any man.

Sir Oliver

60
  1. Truly, she must be given, or the marriage is not lawful.

Jaques

61 - 62
  1. Discovering himself.
  2. Proceed, proceed. I’ll give her.

Touchstone

63 - 66
  1. Good even, good Master What-ye-call’t; how do you, sir? You
  2. are very well met. God ’ild you for your last company. I am
  3. very glad to see you. Even a toy in hand here, sir. Nay,
  4. pray be cover’d.

Jaques

67
  1. Will you be married, motley?

Touchstone

68 - 70
  1. As the ox hath his bow, sir, the horse his curb, and the
  2. falcon her bells, so man hath his desires; and as pigeons
  3. bill, so wedlock would be nibbling.

Jaques

71 - 75
  1. And will you (being a man of your breeding) be married under
  2. a bush like a beggar? Get you to church, and have a good
  3. priest that can tell you what marriage is. This fellow will
  4. but join you together as they join wainscot; then one of you
  5. will prove a shrunk panel, and like green timber warp, warp.

Touchstone

76 - 80
  1. Aside.
  2. I am not in the mind but I were better to be married of him
  3. than of another, for he is not like to marry me well; and
  4. not being well married, it will be a good excuse for me
  5. hereafter to leave my wife.

Jaques

81
  1. Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee.

Touchstone

82 - 91
  1. Come, sweet Audrey,
  2. We must be married, or we must live in bawdry.
  3. Farewell, good Master Oliver: not
  4. O sweet Oliver,
  5. O brave Oliver,
  6. Leave me not behind thee;”
  7. But
  8. Wind away,
  9. Be gone, I say,
  10. I will not to wedding with thee.”
  1. Exeunt Jaques, Touchstone, and Audrey.

Sir Oliver

93 - 94
  1. ’Tis no matter; ne’er a fantastical knave of them all shall
  2. flout me out of my calling.
  1. Exit.
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