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All’s Well That Ends Well: Act 2, Scene 2

All’s Well That Ends Well
Act 2, Scene 2

Roussillon. The Count’s palace.

  1. Enter Countess and Clown.

Countess

2 - 3
  1. Come on, sir, I shall now put you to the height of your
  2. breeding.

Lavatch

4 - 5
  1. I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught. I know my
  2. business is but to the court.

Countess

6 - 7
  1. To the court! Why, what place make you special, when you put
  2. off that with such contempt? But to the court!

Lavatch

8 - 13
  1. Truly, madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he may
  2. easily put it off at court. He that cannot make a leg, put
  3. off ’s cap, kiss his hand, and say nothing, has neither leg,
  4. hands, lip, nor cap; and indeed such a fellow, to say
  5. precisely, were not for the court; but for me, I have an
  6. answer will serve all men.

Countess

14
  1. Marry, that’s a bountiful answer that fits all questions.

Lavatch

15 - 17
  1. It is like a barber’s chair that fits all buttocks: the
  2. pin-buttock, the quatch-buttock, the brawn-buttock, or any
  3. buttock.

Countess

18
  1. Will your answer serve fit to all questions?

Lavatch

19 - 24
  1. As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney, as your
  2. French crown for your taffety punk, as Tib’s rush for Tom’s
  3. forefinger, as a pancake for Shrove Tuesday, a morris for
  4. May-day, as the nail to his hole, the cuckold to his horn,
  5. as a scolding quean to a wrangling knave, as the nun’s lip
  6. to the friar’s mouth, nay, as the pudding to his skin.

Countess

25 - 26
  1. Have you, I say, an answer of such fitness for all
  2. questions?

Lavatch

27 - 28
  1. From below your duke to beneath your constable, it will fit
  2. any question.

Countess

29 - 30
  1. It must be an answer of most monstrous size that must fit
  2. all demands.

Lavatch

31 - 33
  1. But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned should
  2. speak truth of it. Here it is, and all that belongs to’t.
  3. Ask me if I am a courtier: it shall do you no harm to learn.

Countess

34 - 36
  1. To be young again, if we could, I will be a fool in
  2. question, hoping to be the wiser by your answer. I pray you,
  3. sir, are you a courtier?

Lavatch

37 - 38
  1. O Lord, sir!—There’s a simple putting off. More, more, a
  2. hundred of them.

Countess

39
  1. Sir, I am a poor friend of yours that loves you.

Lavatch

40
  1. O Lord, sir!—Thick, thick, spare not me.

Countess

41
  1. I think, sir, you can eat none of this homely meat.

Lavatch

42
  1. O Lord, sir!—Nay, put me to’t, I warrant you.

Countess

43
  1. You were lately whipt, sir, as I think.

Lavatch

44
  1. O Lord, sir!—Spare not me.

Countess

45 - 48
  1. Do you cry, O Lord, sir!” at your whipping, and Spare not
  2. me”? Indeed your O Lord, sir!” is very sequent to your
  3. whipping; you would answer very well to a whipping, if you
  4. were but bound to’t.

Lavatch

49 - 50
  1. I ne’er had worse luck in my life in my O Lord, sir!” I see
  2. things may serve long, but not serve ever.

Countess

51 - 52
  1. I play the noble huswife with the time,
  2. To entertain it so merrily with a fool.

Lavatch

53
  1. O Lord, sir!—Why, there’t serves well again.

Countess

54 - 57
  1. An end, sir; to your business: give Helen this,
  2. And urge her to a present answer back.
  3. Commend me to my kinsmen and my son.
  4. This is not much.

Lavatch

58
  1. Not much commendation to them.

Countess

59
  1. Not much employment for you. You understand me?

Lavatch

60
  1. Most fruitfully, I am there before my legs.

Countess

61
  1. Haste you again.
  1. Exeunt.
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