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Much Ado About Nothing: Act V, Scene 1

Much Ado About Nothing
Act V, Scene 1

Scene 1

Before Leonato’s house.

  1. Enter Leonato and his brother Antonio.

Antonio

1 - 3
  1. If you go on thus, you will kill yourself,
  2. And ’tis not wisdom thus to second grief
  3. Against yourself.

Leonato

4 - 33
  1.                   I pray thee cease thy counsel,
  2. Which falls into mine ears as profitless
  3. As water in a sieve. Give not me counsel,
  4. Nor let no comforter delight mine ear
  5. But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine.
  6. Bring me a father that so lov’d his child,
  7. Whose joy of her is overwhelm’d like mine,
  8. And bid him speak of patience;
  9. Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine,
  10. And let it answer every strain for strain,
  11. As thus for thus, and such a grief for such,
  12. In every lineament, branch, shape, and form;
  13. If such a one will smile and stroke his beard,
  14. And, sorrow wag, cry hem!” when he should groan,
  15. Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk
  16. With candle-wasters, bring him yet to me,
  17. And I of him will gather patience.
  18. But there is no such man, for, brother, men
  19. Can counsel and speak comfort to that grief
  20. Which they themselves not feel, but tasting it,
  21. Their counsel turns to passion, which before
  22. Would give preceptial med’cine to rage,
  23. Fetter strong madness in a silken thread,
  24. Charm ache with air, and agony with words.
  25. No, no, ’tis all men’s office to speak patience
  26. To those that wring under the load of sorrow,
  27. But no man’s virtue nor sufficiency
  28. To be so moral when he shall endure
  29. The like himself. Therefore give me no counsel,
  30. My griefs cry louder than advertisement.

Antonio

34
  1. Therein do men from children nothing differ.

Leonato

35 - 39
  1. I pray thee peace. I will be flesh and blood,
  2. For there was never yet philosopher
  3. That could endure the toothache patiently,
  4. However they have writ the style of gods,
  5. And made a push at chance and sufferance.

Antonio

40 - 41
  1. Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself;
  2. Make those that do offend you suffer too.

Leonato

42 - 45
  1. There thou speak’st reason; nay, I will do so.
  2. My soul doth tell me Hero is belied,
  3. And that shall Claudio know; so shall the Prince,
  4. And all of them that thus dishonor her.
  1. Enter Prince Don Pedro and Claudio.

Antonio

46
  1. Here comes the Prince and Claudio hastily.

Don Pedro

47
  1. Good den, good den.

Claudio

48
  1.                     Good day to both of you.

Leonato

49
  1. Hear you, my lords

Don Pedro

50
  1.                     We have some haste, Leonato.

Leonato

51 - 52
  1. Some haste, my lord! Well, fare you well, my lord.
  2. Are you so hasty now? Well, all is one.

Don Pedro

53
  1. Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.

Antonio

54 - 55
  1. If he could right himself with quarreling,
  2. Some of us would lie low.

Claudio

56
  1.                           Who wrongs him?

Leonato

57 - 59
  1. Marry, thou dost wrong me, thou dissembler, thou
  2. Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword,
  3. I fear thee not.

Claudio

60 - 62
  1.                  Marry, beshrew my hand,
  2. If it should give your age such cause of fear.
  3. In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword.

Leonato

63 - 76
  1. Tush, tush, man, never fleer and jest at me;
  2. I speak not like a dotard nor a fool,
  3. As under privilege of age to brag
  4. What I have done being young, or what would do
  5. Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head,
  6. Thou hast so wrong’d mine innocent child and me
  7. That I am forc’d to lay my reverence by,
  8. And with grey hairs and bruise of many days,
  9. Do challenge thee to trial of a man.
  10. I say thou hast belied mine innocent child!
  11. Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart,
  12. And she lies buried with her ancestors
  13. O, in a tomb where never scandal slept,
  14. Save this of hers, fram’d by thy villainy!

Claudio

77
  1. My villainy?

Leonato

78
  1.              Thine, Claudio, thine, I say.

Don Pedro

79
  1. You say not right, old man.

Leonato

80 - 83
  1.                             My lord, my lord,
  2. I’ll prove it on his body, if he dare,
  3. Despite his nice fence and his active practice,
  4. His May of youth and bloom of lustihood.

Claudio

84
  1. Away, I will not have to do with you.

Leonato

85 - 86
  1. Canst thou so daff me? Thou hast kill’d my child.
  2. If thou kill’st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.

Antonio

87 - 92
  1. He shall kill two of us, and men indeed;
  2. But that’s no matter, let him kill one first.
  3. Win me and wear me, let him answer me.
  4. Come follow me, boy; come, sir boy, come follow me.
  5. Sir boy, I’ll whip you from your foining fence,
  6. Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will.

Leonato

93
  1. Brother

Antonio

94 - 98
  1. Content yourself. God knows I lov’d my niece,
  2. And she is dead, slander’d to death by villains,
  3. That dare as well answer a man indeed
  4. As I dare take a serpent by the tongue.
  5. Boys, apes, braggarts, Jacks, milksops!

Leonato

99
  1. Brother Anthony

Antonio

100 - 107
  1. Hold you content. What, man! I know them, yea,
  2. And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple
  3. Scambling, outfacing, fashion-monging boys,
  4. That lie and cog and flout, deprave and slander,
  5. Go anticly, and show outward hideousness,
  6. And speak off half a dozen dang’rous words,
  7. How they might hurt their enemiesif they durst
  8. And this is all.

Leonato

108
  1. But, brother Anthony

Antonio

109 - 110
  1.                       Come, ’tis no matter;
  2. Do not you meddle, let me deal in this.

Don Pedro

111 - 114
  1. Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience.
  2. My heart is sorry for your daughter’s death;
  3. But on my honor she was charg’d with nothing
  4. But what was true, and very full of proof.

Leonato

115
  1. My lord, my lord

Don Pedro

116
  1. I will not hear you.

Leonato

117
  1. No? Come, brother, away! I will be heard.

Antonio

118
  1. And shall, or some of us will smart for it.
  1. Exeunt ambo Leonato and Antonio.
  1. Enter Benedick.

Don Pedro

119
  1. See, see, here comes the man we went to seek.

Claudio

120
  1. Now, signior, what news?

Benedick

121
  1. Good day, my lord.

Don Pedro

122
  1. Welcome, signior, you are almost come to part almost a fray.

Claudio

123 - 124
  1. We had lik’d to have had our two noses snapp’d off with two
  2. old men without teeth.

Don Pedro

125 - 126
  1. Leonato and his brother. What think’st thou? Had we fought,
  2. I doubt we should have been too young for them.

Benedick

127 - 128
  1. In a false quarrel there is no true valor. I came to seek
  2. you both.

Claudio

129 - 131
  1. We have been up and down to seek thee, for we are high-proof
  2. melancholy, and would fain have it beaten away. Wilt thou
  3. use thy wit?

Benedick

132
  1. It is in my scabbard, shall I draw it?

Don Pedro

133
  1. Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?

Claudio

134 - 136
  1. Never any did so, though very many have been beside their
  2. wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the minstrels, draw to
  3. pleasure us.

Don Pedro

137 - 138
  1. As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou sick, or
  2. angry?

Claudio

139 - 140
  1. What, courage, man! What though care kill’d a cat, thou hast
  2. mettle enough in thee to kill care.

Benedick

141 - 142
  1. Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and you charge it
  2. against me. I pray you choose another subject.

Claudio

143
  1. Nay then give him another staff, this last was broke cross.

Don Pedro

144 - 145
  1. By this light, he changes more and more. I think he be angry
  2. indeed.

Claudio

146
  1. If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.

Benedick

147
  1. Shall I speak a word in your ear?

Claudio

148
  1. God bless me from a challenge!

Benedick

149 - 152
  1. Aside to Claudio
  2. You are a villain. I jest not; I will make it good how you
  3. dare, with what you dare, and when you dare. Do me right; or
  4. I will protest your cowardice. You have kill’d a sweet lady,
  5. and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me hear from you.

Claudio

153
  1. Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.

Don Pedro

154
  1. What, a feast, a feast?

Claudio

155 - 157
  1. I’ faith, I thank him, he hath bid me to a calve’s-head and
  2. a capon, the which if I do not carve most curiously, say my
  3. knife’s naught. Shall I not find a woodcock too?

Benedick

158
  1. Sir, your wit ambles well, it goes easily.

Don Pedro

159 - 170
  1. I’ll tell thee how Beatrice prais’d thy wit the other day. I
  2. said thou hadst a fine wit. True,” said she, a fine little
  3. one.” No,” said I, a great wit.” Right,” says she, a
  4. great gross one.” Nay,” said I, a good wit.” Just,” said
  5. she, it hurts nobody.” Nay,” said I, the gentleman is
  6. wise.” Certain,” said she, a wise gentleman.” Nay,” said
  7. I, he hath the tongues.” That I believe,” said she, for
  8. he swore a thing to me on Monday night, which he forswore on
  9. Tuesday morning. There’s a double tongue, there’s two
  10. tongues.” Thus did she an hour together trans-shape thy
  11. particular virtues, yet at last she concluded with a sigh,
  12. thou wast the proper’st man in Italy.

Claudio

171
  1. For the which she wept heartily and said she car’d not.

Don Pedro

172 - 174
  1. Yea, that she did, but yet for all that, and if she did not
  2. hate him deadly, she would love him dearly. The old man’s
  3. daughter told us all.

Claudio

175 - 176
  1. All, all, and, moreover, God saw him when he was hid in the
  2. garden.

Don Pedro

177 - 178
  1. But when shall we set the savage bull’s horns on the
  2. sensible Benedick’s head?

Claudio

179 - 180
  1. Yea, and text underneath, Here dwells Benedick the married
  2. man”?

Benedick

181 - 188
  1. Fare you well, boy, you know my mind. I will leave you now
  2. to your gossip-like humor. You break jests as braggarts do
  3. their blades, which, God be thank’d, hurt not. My lord, for
  4. your many courtesies I thank you. I must discontinue your
  5. company. Your brother the bastard is fled from Messina. You
  6. have among you kill’d a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord
  7. Lack-beard there, he and I shall meet, and till then peace
  8. be with him.
  1. Exit.

Don Pedro

189
  1. He is in earnest.

Claudio

190 - 191
  1. In most profound earnest, and I’ll warrant you, for the love
  2. of Beatrice.

Don Pedro

192
  1. And hath challeng’d thee?

Claudio

193
  1. Most sincerely.

Don Pedro

194 - 195
  1. What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his doublet and
  2. hose and leaves off his wit!
  1. Enter Constables Dogberry and Verges, and the Watch with
  2. Conrade and Borachio.

Claudio

196 - 197
  1. He is then a giant to an ape, but then is an ape a doctor to
  2. such a man.

Don Pedro

198 - 199
  1. But soft you, let me be. Pluck up, my heart, and be sad. Did
  2. he not say my brother was fled?

Dogberry

200 - 202
  1. Come you, sir. If justice cannot tame you, she shall ne’er
  2. weigh more reasons in her balance. Nay, and you be a cursing
  3. hypocrite once, you must be look’d to.

Don Pedro

203
  1. How now? Two of my brother’s men bound? Borachio one!

Claudio

204
  1. Hearken after their offense, my lord.

Don Pedro

205
  1. Officers, what offense have these men done?

Dogberry

206 - 210
  1. Marry, sir, they have committed false report; moreover they
  2. have spoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanders; sixth
  3. and lastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have
  4. verified unjust things; and to conclude, they are lying
  5. knaves.

Don Pedro

211 - 213
  1. First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I ask thee
  2. what’s their offense; sixth and lastly, why they are
  3. committed; and to conclude, what you lay to their charge.

Claudio

214 - 215
  1. Rightly reason’d, and in his own division, and by my troth
  2. there’s one meaning well suited.

Don Pedro

216 - 218
  1. Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus bound to
  2. your answer? This learned constable is too cunning to be
  3. understood. What’s your offense?

Borachio

219 - 230
  1. Sweet Prince, let me go no farther to mine answer: do you
  2. hear me, and let this count kill me. I have deceiv’d even
  3. your very eyes. What your wisdoms could not discover, these
  4. shallow fools have brought to light, who in the night
  5. overheard me confessing to this man how Don John your
  6. brother incens’d me to slander the Lady Hero, how you were
  7. brought into the orchard, and saw me court Margaret in
  8. Hero’s garments, how you disgrac’d her when you should marry
  9. her. My villainy they have upon record, which I had rather
  10. seal with my death than repeat over to my shame. The lady is
  11. dead upon mine and my master’s false accusation; and
  12. briefly, I desire nothing but the reward of a villain.

Don Pedro

231
  1. Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?

Claudio

232
  1. I have drunk poison whiles he utter’d it.

Don Pedro

233
  1. But did my brother set thee on to this?

Borachio

234
  1. Yea, and paid me richly for the practice of it.

Don Pedro

235 - 236
  1. He is compos’d and fram’d of treachery,
  2. And fled he is upon this villainy.

Claudio

237 - 238
  1. Sweet Hero, now thy image doth appear
  2. In the rare semblance that I lov’d it first.

Dogberry

239 - 242
  1. Come, bring away the plaintiffs. By this time our sexton
  2. hath reform’d Signior Leonato of the matter; and, masters,
  3. do not forget to specify, when time and place shall serve,
  4. that I am an ass.

Verges

243
  1. Here, here comes Master Signior Leonato, and the sexton too.
  1. Enter Leonato, his brother Antonio, and the Sexton.

Leonato

244 - 246
  1. Which is the villain? Let me see his eyes,
  2. That when I note another man like him
  3. I may avoid him. Which of these is he?

Borachio

247
  1. If you would know your wronger, look on me.

Leonato

248 - 249
  1. Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill’d
  2. Mine innocent child?

Borachio

250
  1.                      Yea, even I alone.

Leonato

251 - 256
  1. No, not so, villain, thou beliest thyself.
  2. Here stand a pair of honorable men,
  3. A third is fled, that had a hand in it.
  4. I thank you, princes, for my daughter’s death;
  5. Record it with your high and worthy deeds.
  6. ’Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.

Claudio

257 - 261
  1. I know not how to pray your patience,
  2. Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself,
  3. Impose me to what penance your invention
  4. Can lay upon my sin; yet sinn’d I not,
  5. But in mistaking.

Don Pedro

262 - 265
  1.                   By my soul, nor I,
  2. And yet, to satisfy this good old man,
  3. I would bend under any heavy weight
  4. That he’ll enjoin me to.

Leonato

266 - 279
  1. I cannot bid you bid my daughter live
  2. That were impossiblebut I pray you both,
  3. Possess the people in Messina here
  4. How innocent she died, and if your love
  5. Can labor aught in sad invention,
  6. Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb,
  7. And sing it to her bones, sing it tonight.
  8. Tomorrow morning come you to my house,
  9. And since you could not be my son-in-law,
  10. Be yet my nephew. My brother hath a daughter,
  11. Almost the copy of my child that’s dead,
  12. And she alone is heir to both of us.
  13. Give her the right you should have giv’n her cousin,
  14. And so dies my revenge.

Claudio

280 - 283
  1.                         O noble sir!
  2. Your overkindness doth wring tears from me.
  3. I do embrace your offer, and dispose
  4. For henceforth of poor Claudio.

Leonato

284 - 288
  1. Tomorrow then I will expect your coming,
  2. Tonight I take my leave. This naughty man
  3. Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,
  4. Who I believe was pack’d in all this wrong,
  5. Hir’d to it by your brother.

Borachio

289 - 292
  1.                              No, by my soul she was not,
  2. Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me,
  3. But always hath been just and virtuous
  4. In any thing that I do know by her.

Dogberry

293 - 301
  1. Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under white and black,
  2. this plaintiff here, the offender, did call me ass. I
  3. beseech you let it be rememb’red in his punishment. And
  4. also, the watch heard them talk of one Deformed. They say he
  5. wears a key in his ear and a lock hanging by it, and borrows
  6. money in God’s name, the which he hath us’d so long and
  7. never paid that now men grow hard-hearted and will lend
  8. nothing for God’s sake. Pray you examine him upon that
  9. point.

Leonato

302
  1. I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.

Dogberry

303 - 304
  1. Your worship speaks like a most thankful and reverent youth,
  2. and I praise God for you.

Leonato

305
  1. There’s for thy pains.

Dogberry

306
  1. God save the foundation!

Leonato

307
  1. Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.

Dogberry

308 - 313
  1. I leave an arrant knave with your worship, which I beseech
  2. your worship to correct yourself, for the example of others.
  3. God keep your worship! I wish your worship well. God restore
  4. you to health! I humbly give you leave to depart, and if a
  5. merry meeting may be wish’d, God prohibit it! Come,
  6. neighbor.
  1. Exeunt Dogberry and Verges.

Leonato

314
  1. Until tomorrow morning, lords, farewell.

Antonio

315
  1. Farewell, my lords, we look for you tomorrow.

Don Pedro

316
  1. We will not fail.

Claudio

317
  1.                   Tonight I’ll mourn with Hero.

Leonato

318 - 319
  1. To the Watch.
  2. Bring you these fellows on.—We’ll talk with Margaret,
  3. How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.
  1. Exeunt severally.
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