Henry IV, Pt. 2
Act II, Scene 4
London . The Boar’s Head Tavern in Eastcheap .
- Enter a Drawer or two — Francis and a second Drawer .
Francis1 - 2
- What the devil hast thou brought there ? Apple - johns ? Thou
- knowest Sir John cannot endure an apple - john .
Second Drawer3 - 7
- Mass , thou say’st true . The Prince once set a dish of
- apple - johns before him , and told him there were five more
- Sir Johns , and putting off his hat , said , “ I will now take
- my leave of these six dry , round , old , wither’d knights .” It
- ang’red him to the heart , but he hath forgot that .
Francis8 - 10
- Why then cover and set them down , and see if thou canst find
- out Sneak’s noise . Mistress Tearsheet would fain hear some
- music .
- Enter Will , a third Drawer .
Third Drawer11 - 12
- Dispatch . The room where they supp’d is too hot , they’ll
- come in straight .
Francis13 - 15
- Sirrah , here will be the Prince and Master Poins anon , and
- they will put on two of our jerkins and aprons , and Sir John
- must not know of it . Bardolph hath brought word .
Third Drawer16 - 17
- By the mass , here will be old utis , it will be an excellent
- stratagem .
- I’ll see if I can find out Sneak .
- Exit with Third Drawer .
- Enter Mistress Quickly the Hostess and Doll Tearsheet .
Mistress Quickly19 - 25
- I’ faith , sweet heart , methinks now you are in an excellent
- good temperality . Your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily as
- heart would desire , and your color , I warrant you , is as red
- as any rose , in good truth law ! But , i’ faith , you have
- drunk too much canaries , and that’s a marvelous searching
- wine , and it perfumes the blood ere one can say , “ What’s
- this ?” How do you now ?
- Better than I was . Hem !
Mistress Quickly27 - 28
- Why , that’s well said ; a good heart’s worth gold . Lo here
- comes Sir John .
- Enter Sir John Falstaff .
Falstaff29 - 31
- Singing .
- “ When Arthur first in court ”— Empty the jordan .—
- Exit Francis .
- Singing .
- “ And was a worthy king .”
- How now , Mistress Doll ?
- Sick of a calm , yea , good faith .
Falstaff33 - 34
- So is all her sect ; and they be once in a calm , they are
- sick .
Doll Tearsheet35 - 36
- A pox damn you , you muddy rascal , is that all the comfort
- you give me ?
- You make fat rascals , Mistress Doll .
- I make them ? Gluttony and diseases make , I make them not .
Falstaff39 - 41
- If the cook help to make the gluttony , you help to make the
- diseases , Doll . We catch of you , Doll , we catch of you .
- Grant that , my poor virtue , grant that .
- Yea , joy , our chains and our jewels .
Falstaff43 - 46
- “ Your brooches , pearls , and ouches .” For to serve bravely is
- to come halting off , you know ; to come off the breach with
- his pike bent bravely , and to surgery bravely ; to venture
- upon the charg’d chambers bravely —
- Hang yourself , you muddy conger , hang yourself !
Mistress Quickly48 - 53
- By my troth , this is the old fashion , you two never meet but
- you fall to some discord . You are both , i’ good truth , as
- rheumatic as two dry toasts , you cannot one bear with
- another’s confirmities . What the good - year ! One must bear ,
- and that must be you , you are the weaker vessel , as they
- say , the emptier vessel .
Doll Tearsheet54 - 59
- Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full hogshead ?
- There’s a whole merchant’s venture of Bordeaux stuff in him ,
- you have not seen a hulk better stuff’d in the hold . Come ,
- I’ll be friends with thee , Jack . Thou art going to the wars ,
- and whether I shall ever see thee again or no , there is
- nobody cares .
- Enter Drawer Francis .
- Sir , Ancient Pistol’s below , and would speak with you .
Doll Tearsheet61 - 62
- Hang him , swaggering rascal ! Let him not come hither . It is
- the foul - mouth’d’st rogue in England .
Mistress Quickly63 - 67
- If he swagger , let him not come here . No , by my faith , I
- must live among my neighbors ; I’ll no swaggerers , I am in
- good name and fame with the very best . Shut the door , there
- comes no swaggerers here ; I have not liv’d all this while to
- have swaggering now . Shut the door , I pray you .
- Dost thou hear , hostess ?
Mistress Quickly69 - 70
- Pray ye pacify yourself , Sir John . There comes no swaggerers
- here .
- Dost thou hear ? It is mine ancient .
Mistress Quickly72 - 83
- Tilly - fally , Sir John , ne’er tell me ; and your ancient
- swagger , ’a comes not in my doors . I was before Master
- Tisick , the debuty , t’ other day , and , as he said to
- me — ’twas no longer ago than Wed’sday last , i’ good faith —
- “ Neighbor Quickly ,” says he — Master Dumbe , our minister , was
- by then — “ Neighbor Quickly ,” says he , “ receive those that
- are civil , for ,” said he , “ you are in an ill name .” Now ’a
- said so , I can tell whereupon . “ For ,” says he , “ you are an
- honest woman , and well thought on , therefore take heed what
- guests you receive . Receive ,” says he , “ no swaggering
- companions .” There comes none here . You would bless you to
- hear what he said . No , I’ll no swagg’rers .
Falstaff84 - 87
- He’s no swagg’rer , hostess , a tame cheater , i’ faith , you
- may stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound . He’ll not
- swagger with a Barbary hen , if her feathers turn back in any
- show of resistance . Call him up , drawer .
- Exit Francis .
Mistress Quickly88 - 91
- Cheater , call you him ? I will bar no honest man my house ,
- nor no cheater , but I do not love swaggering , by my troth . I
- am the worse when one says swagger . Feel , masters , how I
- shake , look you , I warrant you .
- So you do , hostess .
Mistress Quickly93 - 94
- Do I ? Yea , in very truth , do I , and ’twere an aspen leaf . I
- cannot abide swagg’rers .
- Enter Ancient Pistol and Bardolph and Boy Page .
- God save you , Sir John !
Falstaff96 - 97
- Welcome , Ancient Pistol . Here , Pistol , I charge you with a
- cup of sack , do you discharge upon mine hostess .
- I will discharge upon her , Sir John , with two bullets .
- She is pistol - proof , sir ; you shall not hardly offend her .
Mistress Quickly100 - 101
- Come , I’ll drink no proofs nor no bullets . I’ll drink no
- more than will do me good , for no man’s pleasure , I .
- Then to you , Mistress Dorothy , I will charge you .
Doll Tearsheet103 - 105
- Charge me ? I scorn you , scurvy companion . What , you poor ,
- base , rascally , cheating , lack - linen mate ! Away , you moldy
- rogue , away ! I am meat for your master .
- I know you , Mistress Dorothy .
Doll Tearsheet107 - 111
- Away , you cutpurse rascal ! You filthy bung , away ! By this
- wine , I’ll thrust my knife in your moldy chaps , and you play
- the saucy cuttle with me . Away , you bottle - ale rascal ! You
- basket - hilt stale juggler , you ! Since when , I pray you , sir ?
- God’s light , with two points on your shoulder ? Much !
- God let me not live , but I will murder your ruff for this .
Falstaff113 - 114
- No more , Pistol , I would not have you go off here . Discharge
- yourself of our company , Pistol .
- No , good Captain Pistol , not here , sweet captain .
Doll Tearsheet116 - 125
- Captain ? Thou abominable damn’d cheater , art thou not
- asham’d to be call’d captain ? And captains were of my mind ,
- they would truncheon you out for taking their names upon you
- before you have earn’d them . You a captain ! You slave , for
- what ? For tearing a poor whore’s ruff in a bawdy - house ? He a
- captain ! Hang him , rogue ! He lives upon moldy stew’d prunes
- and dried cakes . A captain ! God’s light , these villains will
- make the word as odious as the word “ occupy ,” which was an
- excellent good word before it was ill sorted ; therefore
- captains had need look to’t .
- Pray thee go down , good ancient .
- Hark thee hither , Mistress Doll .
Pistol128 - 129
- Not I . I tell thee what , Corporal Bardolph , I could tear
- her . I’ll be reveng’d of her .
- Pray thee go down .
Pistol131 - 134
- I’ll see her damn’d first , to Pluto’s damned lake , by this
- hand , to th’ infernal deep , with Erebus and tortures vile
- also . Hold hook and line , say I . Down , down , dogs ! Down ,
- faitors ! Have we not Hiren here ?
- Draws his sword .
Mistress Quickly135 - 136
- Good Captain Peesel , be quiet , ’tis very late , i’ faith . I
- beseek you now , aggravate your choler .
Pistol137 - 143
- These be good humors indeed ! Shall pack - horses
- And hollow pamper’d jades of Asia ,
- Which cannot go but thirty mile a day ,
- Compare with Caesars and with Cannibals
- And Troiant Greeks ? Nay , rather damn them with
- King Cerberus , and let the welkin roar .
- Shall we fall foul for toys ?
- By my troth , captain , these are very bitter words .
- Be gone , good ancient . This will grow to a brawl anon .
Pistol146 - 147
- Die men like dogs ! Give crowns like pins ! Have we not Hiren
- here ?
- A’ my word , captain , there’s none such here . What the good - year , do you think I would deny her ? For God’s sake be quiet .
Pistol149 - 154
- Then feed and be fat , my fair Calipolis .
- Come give ’s some sack .
- “ Si fortune me tormente , sperato me contento .”
- Fear we broadsides ? No , let the fiend give fire .
- Give me some sack , and , sweet heart , lie thou there .
- Laying down his sword .
- Come we to full points here ? And are etceteras no things ?
- Pistol , I would be quiet .
Pistol156 - 157
- Sweet knight , I kiss thy neaf . What ! We have seen the seven
- stars .
Doll Tearsheet158 - 159
- For God’s sake thrust him down stairs . I cannot endure such
- a fustian rascal .
- Thrust him down stairs ! Know we not Galloway nags ?
Falstaff161 - 163
- Quoit him down , Bardolph , like a shove - groat shilling . Nay ,
- and ’a do nothing but speak nothing , ’a shall be nothing
- here .
- Come , get you down stairs .
Pistol165 - 168
- What ? Shall we have incision ? Shall we imbrue ?
- Snatching up his sword .
- Then death rock me asleep , abridge my doleful days !
- Why then let grievous , ghastly , gaping wounds
- Untwind the Sisters Three ! Come , Atropos , I say !
- Here’s goodly stuff toward !
- Give me my rapier , boy .
- I pray thee , Jack , I pray thee do not draw .
- Get you down stairs .
- Drawing , and driving Pistol out .
Mistress Quickly173 - 176
- Here’s a goodly tumult ! I’ll forswear keeping house afore
- I’ll be in these tirrits and frights . So ! Murder , I warrant
- now . Alas , alas , put up your naked weapons , put up your
- naked weapons .
- Exeunt Pistol and Bardolph .
Doll Tearsheet177 - 178
- I pray thee , Jack , be quiet , the rascal’s gone . Ah , you
- whoreson little valiant villain , you !
Mistress Quickly179 - 180
- Are you not hurt i’ th’ groin ? Methought ’a made a shrewd
- thrust at your belly .
- Enter Bardolph .
- Have you turn’d him out a’ doors ?
Bardolph182 - 183
- Yea , sir . The rascal’s drunk ; you have hurt him , sir , i’ th’
- shoulder .
- A rascal ! To brave me ?
Doll Tearsheet185 - 189
- Ah , you sweet little rogue , you ! Alas , poor ape , how thou
- sweat’st ! Come let me wipe thy face . Come on , you whoreson
- chops . Ah , rogue ! I’ faith , I love thee . Thou art as
- valorous as Hector of Troy , worth five of Agamemnon , and ten
- times better than the Nine Worthies . Ah , villain !
- Ah , rascally slave ! I will toss the rogue in a blanket .
Doll Tearsheet191 - 192
- Do , and thou dar’st for thy heart . And thou dost , I’ll
- canvass thee between a pair of sheets .
- Enter Sneak and other musicians .
- The music is come , sir .
Falstaff194 - 195
- Let them play . Play , sirs . Sit on my knee , Doll . A rascal
- bragging slave ! The rogue fled from me like quicksilver .
Doll Tearsheet196 - 199
- I’ faith , and thou follow’dst him like a church . Thou
- whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar - pig , when wilt thou
- leave fighting a’ days and foining a’ nights , and begin to
- patch up thine old body for heaven ?
- Enter , behind , Prince Henry and Poins , disguised .
Falstaff200 - 201
- Peace , good Doll , do not speak like a death’s - head , do not
- bid me remember mine end .
- Sirrah , what humor’s the Prince of ?
Falstaff203 - 204
- A good shallow young fellow . ’A would have made a good
- pantler , ’a would ’a’ chipp’d bread well .
- They say Poins has a good wit .
Falstaff206 - 208
- He a good wit ? Hang him , baboon ! His wit’s as thick as
- Tewksbury mustard , there’s no more conceit in him than is in
- a mallet .
- Why does the Prince love him so then ?
Falstaff210 - 219
- Because their legs are both of a bigness , and ’a plays at
- quoits well , and eats conger and fennel , and drinks off
- candles’ ends for flap - dragons , and rides the wild - mare with
- the boys , and jumps upon join’d - stools , and swears with a
- good grace , and wears his boots very smooth , like unto the
- sign of the Leg , and breeds no bate with telling of discreet
- stories ; and such other gambol faculties ’a has , that show a
- weak mind and an able body , for the which the Prince admits
- him . For the Prince himself is such another , the weight of a
- hair will turn scales between their avoirdupois .
- Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off ?
- Let’s beat him before his whore .
Prince Henry222 - 223
- Look whe’er the wither’d elder hath not his pole claw’d like
- a parrot .
Poins224 - 225
- Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive
- performance ?
- Kiss me , Doll .
Prince Henry227 - 228
- Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction ! What says th’
- almanac to that ?
Poins229 - 231
- And look whether the fiery Trigon , his man , be not lisping
- to his master’s old tables , his note - book , his
- counsel - keeper .
- Thou dost give me flattering busses .
- By my troth , I kiss thee with a most constant heart .
- I am old , I am old .
Doll Tearsheet235 - 236
- I love thee better than I love e’er a scurvy young boy of
- them all .
Falstaff237 - 239
- What stuff wilt have a kirtle of ? I shall receive money a’
- Thursday , shalt have a cap tomorrow . A merry song ! Come , it
- grows late , we’ll to bed . Thou’t forget me when I am gone .
Doll Tearsheet240 - 242
- By my troth , thou’t set me a - weeping and thou say’st so .
- Prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy
- return — well , hearken a’ th’ end .
- Some sack , Francis .
Both Prince and Poins244
- Anon , anon , sir .
- Coming forward .
Falstaff245 - 246
- Ha ? A bastard son of the King’s ? And art not thou Poins his
- brother ?
Prince Henry247 - 248
- Why , thou globe of sinful continents , what a life dost thou
- lead ?
- A better than thou : I am a gentleman , thou art a drawer .
- Very true , sir , and I come to draw you out by the ears .
Mistress Quickly251 - 253
- O , the Lord preserve thy Grace ! By my troth , welcome to
- London . Now , the Lord bless that sweet face of thine ! O
- Jesu , are you come from Wales ?
Falstaff254 - 255
- Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty , by this light flesh
- and corrupt blood , thou art welcome .
- How ? You fat fool , I scorn you .
Poins257 - 258
- My lord , he will drive you out of your revenge and turn all
- to a merriment , if you take not the heat .
Prince Henry259 - 260
- You whoreson candle - mine , you , how vildly did you speak of
- me even now before this honest , virtuous , civil gentlewoman !
Mistress Quickly261 - 262
- God’s blessing of your good heart ! And so she is , by my
- troth .
- Didst thou hear me ?
Prince Henry264 - 266
- Yea , and you knew me , as you did when you ran away by
- Gadshill . You knew I was at your back , and spoke it on
- purpose to try my patience .
Falstaff267 - 268
- No , no , no , not so , I did not think thou wast within
- hearing .
Prince Henry269 - 270
- I shall drive you then to confess the willful abuse , and
- then I know how to handle you .
- No abuse , Hal , a’ mine honor , no abuse .
Prince Henry272 - 273
- Not to dispraise me , and call me pantler and bread - chipper ,
- and I know not what ?
- No abuse , Hal .
- No abuse ?
Falstaff276 - 281
- No abuse , Ned , i’ th’ world , honest Ned , none . I disprais’d
- him before the wicked , that the wicked turns to the Prince
- might not fall in love with thee ; in which doing , I have
- done the part of a careful friend and a true subject , and
- thy father is to give me thanks for it . No abuse , Hal ; none ,
- Ned , none ; no , faith , boys , none .
Prince Henry282 - 286
- See now whether pure fear and entire cowardice doth not make
- thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close with us . Is
- she of the wicked ? Is thine hostess here of the wicked ? Or
- is thy boy of the wicked ? Or honest Bardolph , whose zeal
- burns in his nose , of the wicked ?
- Answer , thou dead elm , answer .
Falstaff288 - 291
- The fiend hath prick’d down Bardolph irrecoverable , and his
- face is Lucifer’s privy - kitchen , where he doth nothing but
- roast malt - worms . For the boy , there is a good angel about
- him , but the devil blinds him too .
- For the women ?
Falstaff293 - 295
- For one of them , she’s in hell already , and burns poor
- souls ; for th’ other , I owe her money , and whether she be
- damn’d for that , I know not .
- No , I warrant you .
Falstaff297 - 300
- No , I think thou art not , I think thou art quit for that .
- Marry , there is another indictment upon thee , for suffering
- flesh to be eaten in thy house , contrary to the law , for the
- which I think thou wilt howl .
Mistress Quickly301 - 302
- All vict’lers do so . What’s a joint of mutton or two in a
- whole Lent ?
- You , gentlewoman —
- What says your Grace ?
- His grace says that which his flesh rebels against .
- Peto knocks at door .
- Who knocks so loud at door ? Look to th’ door there , Francis .
- Enter Peto .
- Peto , how now , what news ?
Peto308 - 313
- The King your father is at Westminster ,
- And there are twenty weak and wearied posts
- Come from the north , and as I came along
- I met and overtook a dozen captains ,
- Bare - headed , sweating , knocking at the taverns ,
- And asking every one for Sir John Falstaff .
Prince Henry314 - 319
- By heaven , Poins , I feel me much to blame
- So idly to profane the precious time ,
- When tempest of commotion , like the south
- Borne with black vapor , doth begin to melt
- And drop upon our bare unarmed heads .
- Give me my sword and cloak . Falstaff , good night .
- Exeunt Prince and Poins , Peto and Bardolph .
Falstaff320 - 323
- Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night , and we must
- hence and leave it unpick’d .
- Knocking within .
- More knocking at the door !
- Enter Bardolph .
- How now , what’s the matter ?
Bardolph324 - 325
- You must away to court , sir , presently ,
- A dozen captains stay at door for you .
Falstaff326 - 330
- To the Page .
- Pay the musicians , sirrah . Farewell , hostess , farewell ,
- Doll . You see , my good wenches , how men of merit are sought
- after . The undeserver may sleep when the man of action is
- call’d on . Farewell , good wenches , if I be not sent away
- post , I will see you again ere I go .
Doll Tearsheet331 - 332
- I cannot speak . If my heart be not ready to burst — well ,
- sweet Jack , have a care of thyself .
- Farewell , farewell .
- Exit with Bardolph and Page .
Mistress Quickly334 - 336
- Well , fare thee well . I have known thee these twenty - nine
- years , come peascod - time , but an honester and truer - hearted
- man — well , fare thee well .
- Within .
- Mistress Tearsheet !
- What’s the matter ?
- Within .
- Bid Mistress Tearsheet come to my master .
Mistress Quickly340 - 341
- O , run , Doll , run , run , good Doll . Come .
- To Bardolph .
- She comes blubber’d .— Yea ! Will you come , Doll ?
- Exeunt .