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Henry IV, Pt. 1: Act III, Scene 3

Henry IV, Pt. 1
Act III, Scene 3

Eastcheap . The Boar’s Head Tavern .

  1. Enter Falstaff and Bardolph .

Falstaff

1 - 9
  1. Bardolph , am I not fall’n away vilely since this last
  2. action ? Do I not bate ? Do I not dwindle ? Why , my skin hangs
  3. about me like an old lady’s loose gown ; I am wither’d like
  4. an old apple - john . Well , I’ll repent , and that suddenly ,
  5. while I am in some liking . I shall be out of heart shortly ,
  6. and then I shall have no strength to repent . And I have not
  7. forgotten what the inside of a church is made of , I am a
  8. peppercorn , a brewer’s horse . The inside of a church !
  9. Company , villainous company , hath been the spoil of me .

Bardolph

10
  1. Sir John , you are so fretful you cannot live long .

Falstaff

11 - 17
  1. Why , there is it . Come sing me a bawdy song , make me merry .
  2. I was as virtuously given as a gentleman need to be ,
  3. virtuous enough : swore little , dic’d not above seven times a
  4. week , went to a bawdy - house not above once in a quarter of
  5. an hour , paid money that I borrow’d three or four times ,
  6. liv’d well and in good compass , and now I live out of all
  7. order , out of all compass .

Bardolph

18 - 19
  1. Why , you are so fat , Sir John , that you must needs be out of
  2. all compass , out of all reasonable compass , Sir John .

Falstaff

20 - 22
  1. Do thou amend thy face , and I’ll amend my life . Thou art our
  2. admiral , thou bearest the lantern in the poop , but ’tis in
  3. the nose of thee . Thou art the Knight of the Burning Lamp .

Bardolph

23
  1. Why , Sir John , my face does you no harm .

Falstaff

24 - 41
  1. No , I’ll be sworn , I make as good use of it as many a man
  2. doth of a death’s - head or a memento mori . I never see thy
  3. face but I think upon hell - fire and Dives that liv’d in
  4. purple ; for there he is in his robes , burning , burning . If
  5. thou wert any way given to virtue , I would swear by thy
  6. face ; my oath should be By this fire , that’s God’s angel .”
  7. But thou art altogether given over , and wert indeed , but for
  8. the light in thy face , the son of utter darkness . When thou
  9. ran’st up Gadshill in the night to catch my horse , if I did
  10. not think thou hadst been an ignis fatuus or a ball of
  11. wildfire , there’s no purchase in money . O , thou art a
  12. perpetual triumph , an everlasting bonfire light ! Thou hast
  13. sav’d me a thousand marks in links and torches , walking with
  14. thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern ; but the sack
  15. that thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights as good
  16. cheap at the dearest chandler’s in Europe . I have maintain’d
  17. that salamander of yours with fire any time this two and
  18. thirty years , God reward me for it !

Bardolph

42
  1. ’Sblood , I would my face were in your belly !

Falstaff

43 - 45
  1. God - a - mercy , so should I be sure to be heart - burnt .
  2. Enter Hostess .
  3. How now , Dame Partlet the hen ? Have you inquir’d yet who
  4. pick’d my pocket ?

Hostess

46 - 50
  1. Why , Sir John , what do you think , Sir John ? Do you think I
  2. keep thieves in my house ? I have search’d , I have inquir’d ,
  3. so has my husband , man by man , boy by boy , servant by
  4. servant . The tithe of a hair was never lost in my house
  5. before .

Falstaff

51 - 53
  1. Ye lie , hostess , Bardolph was shav’d , and lost many a hair ,
  2. and I’ll be sworn my pocket was pick’d . Go to , you are a
  3. woman , go .

Hostess

54 - 55
  1. Who , I ? No , I defy thee . God’s light , I was never call’d so
  2. in mine own house before .

Falstaff

56
  1. Go to , I know you well enough .

Hostess

57 - 60
  1. No , Sir John , you do not know me , Sir John . I know you , Sir
  2. John , you owe me money , Sir John , and now you pick a quarrel
  3. to beguile me of it . I bought you a dozen of shirts to your
  4. back .

Falstaff

61 - 62
  1. Dowlas , filthy dowlas . I have given them away to bakers’
  2. wives , they have made bolters of them .

Hostess

63 - 65
  1. Now as I am a true woman , holland of eight shillings an ell .
  2. You owe money here besides , Sir John , for your diet and
  3. by - drinkings , and money lent you , four and twenty pound .

Falstaff

66
  1. He had his part of it , let him pay .

Hostess

67
  1. He ? Alas , he is poor , he hath nothing .

Falstaff

68 - 73
  1. How ? Poor ? Look upon his face ; what call you rich ? Let them
  2. coin his nose , let them coin his cheeks . I’ll not pay a
  3. denier . What , will you make a younker of me ? Shall I not
  4. take mine ease in mine inn but I shall have my pocket
  5. pick’d ? I have lost a seal - ring of my grandfather’s worth
  6. forty mark .

Hostess

74 - 75
  1. O Jesu , I have heard the Prince tell him , I know not how
  2. oft , that that ring was copper !

Falstaff

76 - 79
  1. How ? The Prince is a Jack , a sneak - up . ’Sblood , and he were
  2. here , I would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so .
  3. Enter the Prince marching , with Peto , and Falstaff meets him
  4. playing upon his truncheon like a fife .
  5. How now , lad ? Is the wind in that door , i’ faith ? Must we
  6. all march ?

Bardolph

80
  1. Yea , two and two , Newgate fashion .

Hostess

81
  1. My lord , I pray you hear me .

Prince Henry

82 - 83
  1. What say’st thou , Mistress Quickly ? How doth thy husband ? I
  2. love him well , he is an honest man .

Hostess

84
  1. Good my lord , hear me .

Falstaff

85
  1. Prithee let her alone , and list to me .

Prince Henry

86
  1. What say’st thou , Jack ?

Falstaff

87 - 89
  1. The other night I fell asleep here behind the arras and had
  2. my pocket pick’d . This house is turn’d bawdy - house , they
  3. pick pockets .

Prince Henry

90
  1. What didst thou lose , Jack ?

Falstaff

91 - 92
  1. Wilt thou believe me , Hal , three or four bonds of forty
  2. pound a - piece , and a seal - ring of my grandfather’s .

Prince Henry

93
  1. A trifle , some eight - penny matter .

Hostess

94 - 96
  1. So I told him , my lord , and I said I heard your Grace say
  2. so ; and , my lord , he speaks most vilely of you , like a
  3. foul - mouth’d man as he is , and said he would cudgel you .

Prince Henry

97
  1. What , he did not ?

Hostess

98
  1. There’s neither faith , truth , nor womanhood in me else .

Falstaff

99 - 102
  1. There’s no more faith in thee than in a stew’d prune , nor no
  2. more truth in thee than in a drawn fox , and for womanhood ,
  3. Maid Marian may be the deputy’s wife of the ward to thee .
  4. Go , you thing , go .

Hostess

103
  1. Say , what thing ? What thing ?

Falstaff

104
  1. What thing ? Why , a thing to thank God on .

Hostess

105 - 107
  1. I am no thing to thank God on , I would thou shouldst know
  2. it . I am an honest man’s wife , and setting thy knighthood
  3. aside , thou art a knave to call me so .

Falstaff

108 - 109
  1. Setting thy womanhood aside , thou art a beast to say
  2. otherwise .

Hostess

110
  1. Say , what beast , thou knave , thou ?

Falstaff

111
  1. What beast ? Why , an otter .

Prince Henry

112
  1. An otter , Sir John , why an otter ?

Falstaff

113 - 114
  1. Why ? She’s neither fish nor flesh , a man knows not where to
  2. have her .

Hostess

115 - 116
  1. Thou art an unjust man in saying so . Thou or any man knows
  2. where to have me , thou knave , thou !

Prince Henry

117 - 118
  1. Thou say’st true , hostess , and he slanders thee most
  2. grossly .

Hostess

119 - 120
  1. So he doth you , my lord , and said this other day you ought
  2. him a thousand pound .

Prince Henry

121
  1. Sirrah , do I owe you a thousand pound ?

Falstaff

122 - 123
  1. A thousand pound , Hal ? A million , thy love is worth a
  2. million ; thou owest me thy love .

Hostess

124 - 125
  1. Nay , my lord , he call’d you Jack , and said he would cudgel
  2. you .

Falstaff

126
  1. Did I , Bardolph ?

Bardolph

127
  1. Indeed , Sir John , you said so .

Falstaff

128
  1. Yea , if he said my ring was copper .

Prince Henry

129
  1. I say ’tis copper . Darest thou be as good as thy word now ?

Falstaff

130 - 132
  1. Why , Hal ! Thou knowest , as thou art but man , I dare , but as
  2. thou art Prince , I fear thee as I fear the roaring of the
  3. lion’s whelp .

Prince Henry

133
  1. And why not as the lion ?

Falstaff

134 - 136
  1. The King himself is to be fear’d as the lion . Dost thou
  2. think I’ll fear thee as I fear thy father ? Nay , and I do , I
  3. pray God my girdle break .

Prince Henry

137 - 147
  1. O , if it should , how would thy guts fall about thy knees !
  2. But , sirrah , there’s no room for faith , truth , nor honesty
  3. in this bosom of thine ; it is all fill’d up with guts and
  4. midriff . Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket !
  5. Why , thou whoreson , impudent , emboss’d rascal , if there were
  6. any thing in thy pocket but tavern - reckonings , memorandums
  7. of bawdy - houses , and one poor pennyworth of sugar - candy to
  8. make thee long - winded if thy pocket were enrich’d with any
  9. other injuries but these , I am a villain . And yet you will
  10. stand to it , you will not pocket up wrong . Art thou not
  11. asham’d ?

Falstaff

148 - 152
  1. Dost thou hear , Hal ? Thou knowest in the state of innocency
  2. Adam fell , and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days
  3. of villainy ? Thou seest I have more flesh than another man ,
  4. and therefore more frailty . You confess then you pick’d my
  5. pocket ?

Prince Henry

153
  1. It appears so by the story .

Falstaff

154 - 159
  1. Hostess , I forgive thee . Go make ready breakfast ; love thy
  2. husband , look to thy servants , cherish thy guests . Thou
  3. shalt find me tractable to any honest reason ; thou seest I
  4. am pacified still . Nay , prithee be gone .
  5. Exit Hostess .
  6. Now , Hal , to the news at court for the robbery , lad , how is
  7. that answer’d ?

Prince Henry

160 - 161
  1. O , my sweet beef , I must still be good angel to thee . The
  2. money is paid back again .

Falstaff

162
  1. O , I do not like that paying back , ’tis a double labor .

Prince Henry

163
  1. I am good friends with my father and may do any thing .

Falstaff

164 - 165
  1. Rob me the exchequer the first thing thou doest , and do it
  2. with unwash’d hands too .

Bardolph

166
  1. Do , my lord .

Prince Henry

167
  1. I have procur’d thee , Jack , a charge of foot .

Falstaff

168 - 172
  1. I would it had been of horse . Where shall I find one that
  2. can steal well ? O for a fine thief , of the age of two and
  3. twenty or thereabouts ! I am heinously unprovided . Well , God
  4. be thank’d for these rebels , they offend none but the
  5. virtuous . I laud them , I praise them .

Prince Henry

173
  1. Bardolph !

Bardolph

174
  1. My lord ?

Prince Henry

175 - 184
  1. Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster ,
  2. To my brother John ; this to my Lord of Westmorland .
  3. Exit Bardolph .
  4. Go , Peto , to horse , to horse , for thou and I
  5. Have thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner - time .
  6. Exit Peto .
  7. Jack , meet me tomorrow in the Temple Hall
  8. At two a’ clock in the afternoon ;
  9. There shalt thou know thy charge , and there receive
  10. Money and order for their furniture .
  11. The land is burning , Percy stands on high ,
  12. And either we or they must lower lie .
  1. Exit .

Falstaff

185 - 186
  1. Rare words ! Brave world ! Hostess , my breakfast , come !
  2. O , I could wish this tavern were my drum !
  1. Exit .
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