Henry IV, Pt. 1
Act 3, Scene 3
Eastcheap. The Boar’s Head Tavern.
- Enter Falstaff and Bardolph.
Falstaff2 - 10
- Bardolph, am I not fall’n away vilely since this last
- action? Do I not bate? Do I not dwindle? Why, my skin hangs
- about me like an old lady’s loose gown; I am wither’d like
- an old apple-john. Well, I’ll repent, and that suddenly,
- while I am in some liking. I shall be out of heart shortly,
- and then I shall have no strength to repent. And I have not
- forgotten what the inside of a church is made of, I am a
- peppercorn, a brewer’s horse. The inside of a church!
- Company, villainous company, hath been the spoil of me.
- Sir John, you are so fretful you cannot live long.
Falstaff12 - 18
- Why, there is it. Come sing me a bawdy song, make me merry.
- I was as virtuously given as a gentleman need to be,
- virtuous enough: swore little, dic’d not above seven times—a
- week, went to a bawdy-house not above once in a quarter—of
- an hour, paid money that I borrow’d—three or four times,
- liv’d well and in good compass, and now I live out of all
- order, out of all compass.
Bardolph19 - 20
- Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must needs be out of
- all compass, out of all reasonable compass, Sir John.
Falstaff21 - 23
- Do thou amend thy face, and I’ll amend my life. Thou art our
- admiral, thou bearest the lantern in the poop, but ’tis in
- the nose of thee. Thou art the Knight of the Burning Lamp.
- Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.
Falstaff25 - 42
- No, I’ll be sworn, I make as good use of it as many a man
- doth of a death’s-head or a memento mori. I never see thy
- face but I think upon hell-fire and Dives that liv’d in
- purple; for there he is in his robes, burning, burning. If
- thou wert any way given to virtue, I would swear by thy
- face; my oath should be “By this fire, that’s God’s angel.”
- But thou art altogether given over, and wert indeed, but for
- the light in thy face, the son of utter darkness. When thou
- ran’st up Gadshill in the night to catch my horse, if I did
- not think thou hadst been an ignis fatuus or a ball of
- wildfire, there’s no purchase in money. O, thou art a
- perpetual triumph, an everlasting bonfire light! Thou hast
- sav’d me a thousand marks in links and torches, walking with
- thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern; but the sack
- that thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights as good
- cheap at the dearest chandler’s in Europe. I have maintain’d
- that salamander of yours with fire any time this two and
- thirty years, God reward me for it!
- ’Sblood, I would my face were in your belly!
Falstaff44 - 47
- God-a-mercy, so should I be sure to be heart-burnt.
- Enter Hostess.
- How now, Dame Partlet the hen? Have you inquir’d yet who
- pick’d my pocket?
Hostess48 - 52
- Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John? Do you think I
- keep thieves in my house? I have search’d, I have inquir’d,
- so has my husband, man by man, boy by boy, servant by
- servant. The tithe of a hair was never lost in my house
Falstaff53 - 55
- Ye lie, hostess, Bardolph was shav’d, and lost many a hair,
- and I’ll be sworn my pocket was pick’d. Go to, you are a
- woman, go.
Hostess56 - 57
- Who, I? No, I defy thee. God’s light, I was never call’d so
- in mine own house before.
- Go to, I know you well enough.
Hostess59 - 62
- No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John. I know you, Sir
- John, you owe me money, Sir John, and now you pick a quarrel
- to beguile me of it. I bought you a dozen of shirts to your
Falstaff63 - 64
- Dowlas, filthy dowlas. I have given them away to bakers’
- wives, they have made bolters of them.
Hostess65 - 67
- Now as I am a true woman, holland of eight shillings an ell.
- You owe money here besides, Sir John, for your diet and
- by-drinkings, and money lent you, four and twenty pound.
- He had his part of it, let him pay.
- He? Alas, he is poor, he hath nothing.
Falstaff70 - 75
- How? Poor? Look upon his face; what call you rich? Let them
- coin his nose, let them coin his cheeks. I’ll not pay a
- denier. What, will you make a younker of me? Shall I not
- take mine ease in mine inn but I shall have my pocket
- pick’d? I have lost a seal-ring of my grandfather’s worth
- forty mark.
Hostess76 - 77
- O Jesu, I have heard the Prince tell him, I know not how
- oft, that that ring was copper!
Falstaff78 - 83
- How? The Prince is a Jack, a sneak-up. ’Sblood, and he were
- here, I would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so.
- Enter the Prince marching, with Peto, and Falstaff meets him
- playing upon his truncheon like a fife.
- How now, lad? Is the wind in that door, i’ faith? Must we
- all march?
- Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.
- My lord, I pray you hear me.
Prince Henry86 - 87
- What say’st thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth thy husband? I
- love him well, he is an honest man.
- Good my lord, hear me.
- Prithee let her alone, and list to me.
- What say’st thou, Jack?
Falstaff91 - 93
- The other night I fell asleep here behind the arras and had
- my pocket pick’d. This house is turn’d bawdy-house, they
- pick pockets.
- What didst thou lose, Jack?
Falstaff95 - 96
- Wilt thou believe me, Hal, three or four bonds of forty
- pound a-piece, and a seal-ring of my grandfather’s.
- A trifle, some eight-penny matter.
Hostess98 - 100
- So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard your Grace say
- so; and, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a
- foul-mouth’d man as he is, and said he would cudgel you.
- What, he did not?
- There’s neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.
Falstaff103 - 106
- There’s no more faith in thee than in a stew’d prune, nor no
- more truth in thee than in a drawn fox, and for womanhood,
- Maid Marian may be the deputy’s wife of the ward to thee.
- Go, you thing, go.
- Say, what thing? What thing?
- What thing? Why, a thing to thank God on.
Hostess109 - 111
- I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou shouldst know
- it. I am an honest man’s wife, and setting thy knighthood
- aside, thou art a knave to call me so.
Falstaff112 - 113
- Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say
- Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?
- What beast? Why, an otter.
- An otter, Sir John, why an otter?
Falstaff117 - 118
- Why? She’s neither fish nor flesh, a man knows not where to
- have her.
Hostess119 - 120
- Thou art an unjust man in saying so. Thou or any man knows
- where to have me, thou knave, thou!
Prince Henry121 - 122
- Thou say’st true, hostess, and he slanders thee most
Hostess123 - 124
- So he doth you, my lord, and said this other day you ought
- him a thousand pound.
- Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?
Falstaff126 - 127
- A thousand pound, Hal? A million, thy love is worth a
- million; thou owest me thy love.
Hostess128 - 129
- Nay, my lord, he call’d you Jack, and said he would cudgel
- Did I, Bardolph?
- Indeed, Sir John, you said so.
- Yea, if he said my ring was copper.
- I say ’tis copper. Darest thou be as good as thy word now?
Falstaff134 - 136
- Why, Hal! Thou knowest, as thou art but man, I dare, but as
- thou art Prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring of the
- lion’s whelp.
- And why not as the lion?
Falstaff138 - 140
- The King himself is to be fear’d as the lion. Dost thou
- think I’ll fear thee as I fear thy father? Nay, and I do, I
- pray God my girdle break.
Prince Henry141 - 151
- O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy knees!
- But, sirrah, there’s no room for faith, truth, nor honesty
- in this bosom of thine; it is all fill’d up with guts and
- midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket!
- Why, thou whoreson, impudent, emboss’d rascal, if there were
- any thing in thy pocket but tavern-reckonings, memorandums
- of bawdy-houses, and one poor pennyworth of sugar-candy to
- make thee long-winded—if thy pocket were enrich’d with any
- other injuries but these, I am a villain. And yet you will
- stand to it, you will not pocket up wrong. Art thou not
Falstaff152 - 156
- Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou knowest in the state of innocency
- Adam fell, and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days
- of villainy? Thou seest I have more flesh than another man,
- and therefore more frailty. You confess then you pick’d my
- It appears so by the story.
Falstaff158 - 164
- Hostess, I forgive thee. Go make ready breakfast; love thy
- husband, look to thy servants, cherish thy guests. Thou
- shalt find me tractable to any honest reason; thou seest I
- am pacified still. Nay, prithee be gone.
- Exit Hostess.
- Now, Hal, to the news at court for the robbery, lad, how is
- that answer’d?
Prince Henry165 - 166
- O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee. The
- money is paid back again.
- O, I do not like that paying back, ’tis a double labor.
- I am good friends with my father and may do any thing.
Falstaff169 - 170
- Rob me the exchequer the first thing thou doest, and do it
- with unwash’d hands too.
- Do, my lord.
- I have procur’d thee, Jack, a charge of foot.
Falstaff173 - 177
- I would it had been of horse. Where shall I find one that
- can steal well? O for a fine thief, of the age of two and
- twenty or thereabouts! I am heinously unprovided. Well, God
- be thank’d for these rebels, they offend none but the
- virtuous. I laud them, I praise them.
- My lord?
Prince Henry180 - 191
- Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,
- To my brother John; this to my Lord of Westmorland.
- Exit Bardolph.
- Go, Peto, to horse, to horse, for thou and I
- Have thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner-time.
- Exit Peto.
- Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple Hall
- At two a’ clock in the afternoon;
- There shalt thou know thy charge, and there receive
- Money and order for their furniture.
- The land is burning, Percy stands on high,
- And either we or they must lower lie.
Falstaff193 - 194
- Rare words! Brave world! Hostess, my breakfast, come!
- O, I could wish this tavern were my drum!