As You Like It
Act 3, Scene 3
Another part of the Forest of Arden.
- Enter Clown (Touchstone), Audrey; and Jaques behind.
Touchstone2 - 4
- Come apace, good Audrey; I will fetch up your goats, Audrey.
- And how, Audrey? Am I the man yet? Doth my simple feature
- content you?
- Your features, Lord warrant us! What features?
Touchstone6 - 7
- I am here with thee and thy goats as the most capricious
- poet, honest Ovid, was among the Goths.
Jaques8 - 10
- O knowledge ill-inhabited, worse than Jove in a thatch’d
Touchstone11 - 14
- When a man’s verses cannot be understood, nor a man’s good
- wit seconded with the forward child, understanding, it
- strikes a man more dead than a great reckoning in a little
- room. Truly, I would the gods had made thee poetical.
Audrey15 - 16
- I do not know what ‘poetical’ is. Is it honest in deed and
- word? Is it a true thing?
Touchstone17 - 19
- No, truly; for the truest poetry is the most feigning, and
- lovers are given to poetry; and what they swear in poetry
- may be said as lovers they do feign.
- Do you wish then that the gods had made me poetical?
Touchstone21 - 22
- I do, truly; for thou swear’st to me thou art honest. Now if
- thou wert a poet, I might have some hope thou didst feign.
- Would you not have me honest?
Touchstone24 - 25
- No, truly, unless thou wert hard-favor’d; for honesty
- coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar.
Jaques26 - 27
- A material fool!
Audrey28 - 29
- Well, I am not fair, and therefore I pray the gods make me
Touchstone30 - 31
- Truly, and to cast away honesty upon a foul slut were to put
- good meat into an unclean dish.
- I am not a slut, though I thank the gods I am foul.
Touchstone33 - 37
- Well, prais’d be the gods for thy foulness! Sluttishness may
- come hereafter. But be it as it may be, I will marry thee;
- and to that end I have been with Sir Oliver Martext, the
- vicar of the next village, who hath promis’d to meet me in
- this place of the forest and to couple us.
Jaques38 - 39
- I would fain see this meeting.
- Well, the gods give us joy!
Touchstone41 - 57
- Amen. A man may, if he were of a fearful heart, stagger in
- this attempt; for here we have no temple but the wood, no
- assembly but horn-beasts. But what though? Courage! As horns
- are odious, they are necessary. It is said, “Many a man
- knows no end of his goods.” Right! Many a man has good
- horns, and knows no end of them. Well, that is the dowry of
- his wife, ’tis none of his own getting. Horns? Even so. Poor
- men alone? No, no, the noblest deer hath them as huge as the
- rascal. Is the single man therefore bless’d? No, as a wall’d
- town is more worthier than a village, so is the forehead of
- a married man more honorable than the bare brow of a
- bachelor; and by how much defense is better than no skill,
- by so much is a horn more precious than to want.
- Enter Sir Oliver Martext.
- Here comes Sir Oliver. Sir Oliver Martext, you are well met.
- Will you dispatch us here under this tree, or shall we go
- with you to your chapel?
- Is there none here to give the woman?
- I will not take her on gift of any man.
- Truly, she must be given, or the marriage is not lawful.
Jaques61 - 62
- Discovering himself.
- Proceed, proceed. I’ll give her.
Touchstone63 - 66
- Good even, good Master What-ye-call’t; how do you, sir? You
- are very well met. God ’ild you for your last company. I am
- very glad to see you. Even a toy in hand here, sir. Nay,
- pray be cover’d.
- Will you be married, motley?
Touchstone68 - 70
- As the ox hath his bow, sir, the horse his curb, and the
- falcon her bells, so man hath his desires; and as pigeons
- bill, so wedlock would be nibbling.
Jaques71 - 75
- And will you (being a man of your breeding) be married under
- a bush like a beggar? Get you to church, and have a good
- priest that can tell you what marriage is. This fellow will
- but join you together as they join wainscot; then one of you
- will prove a shrunk panel, and like green timber warp, warp.
Touchstone76 - 80
- I am not in the mind but I were better to be married of him
- than of another, for he is not like to marry me well; and
- not being well married, it will be a good excuse for me
- hereafter to leave my wife.
- Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee.
Touchstone82 - 91
- Come, sweet Audrey,
- We must be married, or we must live in bawdry.
- Farewell, good Master Oliver: not
- “O sweet Oliver,
- O brave Oliver,
- Leave me not behind thee;”
- “Wind away,
- Be gone, I say,
- I will not to wedding with thee.”
- Exeunt Jaques, Touchstone, and Audrey.
Sir Oliver93 - 94
- ’Tis no matter; ne’er a fantastical knave of them all shall
- flout me out of my calling.